confusion

2012-02-06T23:26:00.003+08:00

#495

seems like this problem is no longer a new problem for me. . . . .

i read through my old entries, & i realised that problems have been surfacing a few times for the past 3yrs. Its just that things werent that serious as it is now.

i guess things are getting so serious now was mainly because we accumulate it too much and not let it out at the right time.

well, who to blame? me, she or both of us. i would say both of us. But to people, its seems like im the one with problems, since i take it too seriously and show attitude.

gosh. i really have no idea what the hell im doing at times. Anger just forced me to do things out without thinking much. it has hit the limit and that why i exploded and said or did things that i shouldnt. i should have control myself better and think cool. im just an impulsive lady, i guess.

im not good at expressing myself at the right time or tell the people how i feel at that moment, face to face. im only good at msging the person after the whole incident. & who the hell will believe how remorseful or sad im. even after few times, i begining to feel irritated and fake, let alone the person who is angry or not happy with me. Yea?

im too emotional and take things too personal that what i thought it was might not what people thought... im just so lousy and no confidence about myself.
the more i care for a person, the more mistakes or attitude i will show.

trying to salvage a friendship that had turn sour not for the 1st time but the 2nd or maybe 3rd time...

#494

2011-09-30T12:34:00.002+08:00

为什么他的生日有面线，他的有红包，而他，你们打算帮他庆祝。。只有我的，你们却忘了一干二净。
这公平吗？

2011-07-05T00:57:00.002+08:00

#493

its getting nearer and this time, i dont seem to be excited bout it...

is it becos of the age, or becos of the current situation between me and peisi, i dont see the need of celebrating it at all.... or should i say no mood at all..

its seems like it will be another normal sunday to me..
anyway, im not going to expect anything much...
plus its a sunday, i hope it will be a peaceful day for me..

2011-07-05T00:29:00.003+08:00

#492

我們都傻

計算著為你流下了多少眼淚
就代表又對我的心撒了多少謊
但每次我都選擇選擇相信
相信你是愛我的

倔強的以為我真的能改變你
看你裝無辜的眼神　我很窒息
難道你沒有看見　看見我對你的好
還是你忘了　那些數不清的愛情軌跡

你說我傻　傻在愛上只懂愛自己的人
我說你傻　傻在愛他你的眼睛騙不了人
我們都傻　傻在為一段沒有未來的愛情付出
還在期待會有奇蹟出現

你說我傻　傻在愛上沒有感情的分身
我說你傻　傻在愛他就固執的奮不顧身
我們都傻　傻在寧願被犧牲也不願放棄天真
還在期待會有奇蹟出現

誰沒有為愛做過傻事　只是問心無愧　諷刺也無所謂
我說我傻　傻在愛上沒有感情的分身
你說你傻　傻在愛他就固執的奮不顧身
我們都傻　傻在寧願被犧牲也不願放棄天真

還在期待會有奇蹟出現
還在期待會有奇蹟出現

2011-04-19T09:03:00.003+08:00

#491

sometimes i really hate coming to my blog to update. it shows that i have no one to talk to and there is just so much i wanted to say.

haven't been feeling that great since the incident on thursday evening. it has never come to my mind that this thing will happen to me.

i always thought things will be better after few minutes or hours but never it will last for DAYS. till now, it is still silence. at times, silences really kills. . .i would rather everything be settled than keeping silent....Argghhh..seriously this is killing me.

im afraid that this silence will last till 1 of us leave. . . which i really dont wish to see.

i treasure you not only as a colleague but also a friend whom i can confide in, thats why it matters me so much when you dint talk or reply to my sms.

2010-10-22T13:29:00.001+08:00

#490 almost forget this lil' space of mine. . .

2010-09-17T11:45:00.000+08:00

#489

Suddenly miss Paikia So Much....
& this feeling isnt that good either..

:(

2010-09-11T10:42:00.006+08:00

#488

Such a long time since i came here. . .

actually i have nothing much to write or update. . .
life has always be the same for me. work.sch.work.sch.nth much.

the purpose im here to blog was cos of my paikia i got to know at my workplace.

hes actually a gd guy.hes the brother of my dong ke. . .and before i actually know they are brothers, i actually suspected but nv really go and ask dong ke till going to aug.

how we actually started talking to each other was rather funny and weird.

initially i went to ask dong ke, whether this fellow is his brother and he said yes. so i asked 'permission' from him whether i can add him in facebook. haha..

but before i actually added him in facebook, i make sure that he noes who im . . .
so there was actually motive of me talking to him on 10th Aug 10 & smiling at him on the Carnival Day(11th Aug 10). . .
so day after that smiling & talking, i added him in FB, he approved and i msged him asking him whether he know who the hell Im.. . ..

Well, he dint really know till i told him im from PMD.
so from there, we started FB msg during working hrs...and slowly i asked him for his msn, and every night we will msn.

im stunned given that we are 6yrs difference in age, we actually click well.Maybe becos both of us belong to Buay Paisey type.

How i gave Paikia name to him was an accident. I wanted to call him Mini Dong Ke or Dong Gua ...but after msning / msging him, the way he talks actually abit like Paikia, so this how i started to call him Paikia and he calls me LaoDa.

We din really talk to each other or pretend not to see each other in work place though online we can actually talk alot. (maybe not tat close).So we like msging each other during ofc hrs. The 1st time he called me LaoDa was on the Staff Meeting Day. I bumped into him when i was getting the food.
He said "LaoDa, nv help me take food ah" ..haha

Soon, we become closer cos i kept on asking him to go to the Recept to see the new receptionist. and slowly, everyday he will ask me to meet him at Reception there so he can see the new gal.

That time when i was doing the 1st Aid Checklist with my technician, he came along when we go for the 2nd part. It was the 1st time i actually talked that much to him face to face in school. and soon we would actually meet to go recept or canteen.

Knowing him for less than 1mth, but it seems like we have known for qt sometimes.
We can talk anything. I can disturb him as well.

the 1st time we walked to the station was on 27th Aug.10 where im going to CityHall to meet up with FJ & Nat for my post Bday Celebration.
With 1st Time, there were 2nd & 3rd time..

2nd time - meeting ps at station
3rd time - meeting ps at station
4th time - his last day, we took the same train cos im going to dg to meet peisi

on the 2nd time, i asked him to acc me till my lesson starts, cos lesson was held at campus, so i had 1hr time to slack. he actually agreed to acc me.but cos of boss still in ofc, i told him i will walk with him to the station and i will wait for ps. i tot he wld leave after that, but he actually accompained me till ps came. *he hates to wait for pple*

hes a nice guy..he actually rmembers the date of my bday and the date of my previous exams when i only told him once..Haha.
he kept saying i bo xim cos i told him that i dont really rmber how hhe looks like wheneve im at home. i always mixed him up with other guys. and he said i will forget him once he left.. . .. Haha..i told him i will try to rember his face before his last day.haha

and 2ndly i always forget the things he told me. esp the date he enlisting.(but now i rember!)
the dates he going for taekwondo match, the dates he going/coming back from tw and his enlistment date!! Won forget anymore cos i wrote down on my calendar.HAHA

i promise him that i will rmeber to wish him gd luck on his match day, and sms him the night before his tw trip and welcome him back and also his enlistment date.

our 1st lunch tgt was cos his lunch khaki was on leave. so he joined me and my colleagues . . .
2nd time lunch was at tea garden Mcdonald.
3rd time lunch anchorpt KFC cos he acc'ed to queensway to have my stuffs laminated.
4th time lunch margaret drive cos his lunch khaki not here again.
5th time lunch at tea garden Mcdonald - he returned me the Mcflurry that he owed me
6th time lunch was at canteen with my exec cos his lunch khaki ate at diff timing.

Things he Owed me
1. Orange Juice
2. McFlurry
3. Veins Photo
4. Dimple Photo
5. 3 times of coming to my ofc
6. Tai Yang Bing - ongoing

Things i Owe Him
1. Car Drawing
2. Watch Drawing
3. Laptop Drawing
4. Horse Drawing
5. Swensens Treat - Ongoing

When I asked him when his last day, he gave me 3 dates.
31st Aug, 3rd Sept & 9th Sept.

I remembered that time i told him, why so long...31st Aug 10, you can go liao. (actually i dont mean it)...but luckily he left on 9th Sep. . .

and 9th sep came so fast. . .
the night before his last day, he asked me..will i be sian or happy ? i told him i dont know, but i told him i dont wan to see him on his last day, cos my expression will be easily seen as I know i will be sad and sian.

& on this 2nd last day, when we walked to the station, i have nothing much to say and i have no idea what to talk to him either. Still i talked to him nonsense. Told him the joke i had with his brother, dong ke.When i dont even know if he understand what im trying to say. Haha.

On his last day, he came to my ofc. I saw him coming in, but i act busy. cos i really have no idea how to start a conversation with him. So he went to my colleague there and they chatted. I tried to talk rubbish again to him.Abit stupid. Haha.but luckily, everything still okay. i took pic of his dimple. Haha. We talked and stopped. He stood there looking around, not knowing what to do also. I 'scolded' him...haha..
By disturbing and 'scolding' is the best way to avoid embarrassment moments i guess.

after work, i went to wait for him. we walked to the station. we still talked and craked jokes. Way before reaching my stop, he said bye bye to me and said Don miss him... *wahpiang* i don noe how to reply and react. So i told him, havent reach, cant wait to ask me to go... *me feeling very awkward* den i faster changed topic and asked him how to go to the exit towards PS. llalalala..he teached me...den it reached my station. After saying bye to him, i alighted.

i kept telling myself, dont sms him or what...but still i cldnt control. I smsed him when i reached the class...
his reply was funny!
laoda, so fast jiu miss me liao huh.haha..
...smsmed till he went to bathe...

on the way home, we msned...
all the way till 2plus am...

if u asked me whether i miss him?
i would say still okay..even at the very night of his last day, im still okay, cos everything was like still the same...

but i guess monday, i will miss him like hell load!
cos everything won be the same. . .

anyway, i wish him all the best in his coming match (:

Hei Lao Shu Lao Da misses Bai Ma PaiKia

2010-07-28T09:11:00.002+08:00

#486

这是第一次我喜欢一个人却不敢告诉他。怕被他拒绝后，很难做朋友或说话，或我们会因此也避开对方。。。

见不到他，心里总是怪怪的。
见到他，却摆着一副爱理不理的态度。

真不知该怎么办才好？好懊恼啊！

该说还是放在心理？

2010-07-01T12:20:00.002+08:00

#485

OKAY!
I HEREBY ANNOUNCE...

IM SUPER STRESSED! ITS LIKE SO SUDDEN I HAD THIS KIND OF FEELING.

IM SCARED OF EXAMS AND I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP AND ESCAPE TO OTHER PLACE.

1 TIME FAILURE, IT LEAVE A GREAT IMPACT ON ME.
I THOUGHT I HAD GOTTEN OVER IT, BUT APPARENTLY I DINT.
ITS STILL BOTHER ME ALOT AND IM AFRAID OF 2ND TIME FAILURE.
I TRY TO GET MYSELF TO THE BOOKS, BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO GET INTO IT.
IM TIRED!
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I KNOW STUDY AND REVISE, BUT THE MORE I TRY TO STUDY, THE MORE I CANT ABSORD ANYTHING.

2010-06-24T16:02:00.002+08:00

#484

Trying to work and blog at the same time. . .
Quite sick of looking at the invoices and POs.

Seriously when i logged in here, i really have no idea whats going in my mind and what am i going to blog either. Im just very sick of looking at the invoices and POs, doing the same thing everyday.
Its getting very meaningless and boring.

recently, i got comments from classmate and colleagues. . .
classmate said : i slim down alot
colleague said : i fat liao.

AiyO! so what is what?!
anyway, i think i fat liao! haha.

but my colleague added on ... he said at least he sees some changes in my dressing.
hmm.okay! i partially agree on it.at least now, can spot some bangles or big earrings on me whereby last time i find it so extra with all these on me

not young anymore! got to do something to myself.my face starts to show some sign of aging.
i hate the arrival of july...i used to love it so much...but now..i dont.Cos MY EXAMS is just 2 days after my bDay. SIAN!

WELL. ITS JUST AN IMPROMPTU ENTRY, THEREFORE I GOT TO END HERE.HA :)

2010-06-16T12:20:00.001+08:00

#483

I realize that it’s not easy to understand humans and even yourself. I always expect people to understand me but now then I know, I don’t even understand myself.

I find it hard to comprehend humans. They are just too Cheam-logy. Well, I guess it relies on each personality, character, mindset, mood, surrounding and maybe weather.

For me, my mood plays a very important part. My mood fluctuates a lot, causing both people and me having difficulty talking to each other. I can be super talkative at this moment but super quiet at the next moment. This can be happened in just a split second. It’s a miracle. *okay! I sound sarcastic*

Being sensitive is good, as it will help you in noticing people’s feeling but being too sensitive is way too much. Every little thing that people do or say, you will think that the person is aiming at you or not happy at you or you might even think you had done something wrong that cause the person to be moody, angry or sad. Never will you think that the person’s happiness is due to what you done. All the bad things that happened, was all mainly on your doings. Sad to say, this is always how I feel.
That’s why I’m always trying hard to make people happy, try to help people whenever they need help or just a small comment that people make, I will take it seriously. People better don’t tell me what they like or what they looking for and what they want. I will take it seriously and try my ways to help, but sometimes I will not if it’s not within my means.

Jealousy is also not good. I am a pot of vinegar. I get jealous too easily. Every little thing, I will just get jealous. I don’t tell anyone whenever I get jealous, and I guess it doesn’t show out either. Example like; this person treats that person good, giving the person things, buy things for the person and I don’t have, I will get jealous. OKAY! I know this is lame! Getting jealous over certain thing is common, but getting jealous over everything is UNCOMMON! Girls are vain pot, I’m special. I’m vinegar pot!

There is also something weird about me.
I get sian easily.regardless to thing, place, or even people.
maybe thats why my relationship always dont last :/
i think i better dont get close to any guys unless im certain i will like him long . . .
Its good also not to 'flirt' with guys. haha. . .

2010-06-15T10:37:00.003+08:00

#482

A new Lappie!
PORTÉGÉ T110
Specs :

Intel Pentium Dual Core Processor SU4100
(1.3Ghz,2MB L2 Cache, 800MHz FSB)
Genuine Windows 7 Home Premium
2GB DDR3 SDRAM
320BG (Sata) with shock absorbers HDD

Damn Chio Right. Haha :D

Now i need to put screen protector and protector for the lappie, as the cover is a glossy type, therefore it will easily have fingerprints on it.

Any place to do screen protector as well as the cover?

Thanks Mummy! Haha :)

Counting down to Exams : 27 Days.
Im going to lock myself inside the room and study.
No shopping.No Late Night watching TV.
More time on Books.

*PRAY HARD*
3 main + 1 supp papers to clear this sems.

2010-06-10T12:27:00.004+08:00

#481

Im back to the Blogger world after disappearing for 21days
22.may.1o : went to show concert at spore indoor stadium.
fabulous night though im dropping dead after day of working & schooling plus standing outside the stadium.

no regret. thumbs up!

only regret : not able to get jay's concert tix

1 - 8.jun.10 - went taipei with my mum, cousins and aunts & uncle.

we had fun and super tired day everyday.

from morning shopped till night.its like no day no night.

last night was the best!

wendy,dap and me were like rushing here and there looking for ahShin's stayreal boutique and jay's boutique which turn up that the 2 boutiques are like just 1 street away.

we looked so stupid but we had fun :D
i had a mini bday surprise in the hotel!

i was so surprised with the slice of cake that wendy & dap got for me from starbucks {i tot they were being flushed down by the toilet bowl}

with the lights off when i came out of the bathroom.and they sang the bday song to me.

it was my 1st time to have such a sweet bday surprise at a foreign place.

Thanks to Wendy.JoJo.Joccy.Dap
*i may look normal.but im really touched by the surprise* :)
thanks for the cheesecake & the mango bag :)

Back to singapore. i really miss so much.my bed.my room.floppy and the food.
kor came to fetch me and my mum.
reached home. im so excited to pass huiyi her naraya bag.
unpacked everything.
overall, i bought 2 tops,3 pumps,1 pair of earring, 1 bracelet, 1 ring,1 bag, 2 alien huang dvds, 1 key chain for myself.

now. i feel like going to msia and hk.

:)

persuading mummy to go these places.budget airline will do.
i want to get my passport to have lots of stamps... :P
1mth to my bday.im turning old.
1mth 2 days to my Y2T1 exams and im not even prepared.

REGRET NV BRING THIS MUMU BACK TO SINGAPORE.

2010-05-20T12:48:00.002+08:00

#480

im so not going to blog anything except. . . .

im freaking sian now. . . . you know how sian i am . . .
is sian to the extend that i smsed my elder brother, asking if he wanna meet for lunch . . . bt my timing is just so wrong. . . hes out lunch with his colleagues!

SIAN to the MAX!

& im freaking hungry!
but no one accompany me for lunch today.
thats super duper sad la!

if only there are people working near me. . . den at least i won be sitting here now blogging . . .
i just wait for the day to end. . . but theres lesson later also. . . wao..super sian lo. . .
FRIday, why u seem so far from me. . .
This week so super long . . . Sat still need to work and study . . .
SIAN!
I cant wait for next friday . .
Den work for 1 day -Monday . .. & i will be off for 1 week ...
Cant wait for it!!!!

2010-05-17T09:04:00.002+08:00

#479

Friday gotten my results.i wasnt happy at all, though i had expected all modules failed, but nv did i expect my FOM's mark to be so low...i'vent been getting such a low results since sec sch times - history-. Its so demoralising. . . & im super depressed over the result. I know its the final, but i just couldnt accept the SUPER DUPER LOW MARK i've gotten.
I emailed my coordinator, but to no avail.Theres nothing i can do. . . :(
All i want is to look at the paper or the marks.

so many thoughts going through my mind on friday nite.
Maybe i should just quit my full time job and work part time or just work for my dad, but which also means, i cant shop anymore! thats so super sad :(
i think i really need to discuss this seriously with my mum. i just feel that i cant handle 2 things at the same time.

my grandparents made a sudden visit to my house, but they din go up to my house, instead i went lunch with them and my dad... they were talking in hakka language that i dont even understand a single word.so i just continued eating like no one else business.

back to home,i was thinking about my maternal grandparents. they had never been to my current house before. that time when we got this new flat, both my grandparents were still around, but they never had the chance to come, cos both were old and weak. . . i remembered when i was just pri 5 that time, i kept telling myself, must bring my grandmum(im closer to her than to my grandpa) to my house and show her. . . but i never had the chance. . . im sure they were be able to see it from the heaven now. . .
Sometimes i just feel like telling my mother how much i missed my grandparents. Though i may not be the one they loved or doted most, but they still cared alot for me.there are so much i wanted to tell my grandma, showed her my sec sch results, how i fared and how i passed my N level when most of the people think that going O level from N level, isnt an easy task. How i managed to pass my O level and got into poly and my work and my ex-boyfriends. I wanted so much to tell her so many things that happened to me, and remembered how she protected me when my uncle wanted to punish me. How she conned me into drink almond by putting it in my rice. The times when i accompanied her to marketing on sunday morning, though how much i hated, cos theres alot of cats... Looking at her sitting at the side of the basin eating her meals and watching tv at the same time. Her never fail to smiley looking face. Her amicable character that was well liked by all of us. Her smile, her face, her look,her fake denture, her hair, her hands (that used to hold me when crossing the road), her everything and everything i missed so much. . .A kind lady who always lived inside my heart. . .
As for my grandpa, im not close to him. . . but i will never forget the times when i was in kindergarten, he always brought me to and fro from sch. . . his long body, long hand, long leg that made him so special. His white hair, white singlet, blue shorts and not forgetting his walking clutches when his legs started to weaken. . . but his never-give-up attitude, never stop him from walking around the house. He would never stop exercising his leg(by lifting it up and down). . . thats the strong will he'd got and which i admired him.

If only i confide in someone without getting scolded or ignored. . .
If only theres someone whom i can really trusted. . .
If only i can open my heart openly to people. . .
If only i know what is wrong and what is right. . .
If only. . .
its all IF ONLY

2010-05-13T10:23:00.002+08:00

#478

I hate having audit. . . its just driving me crazy. . .having phobia. . .worried expression easily seen on my face that 1 look, people know it :(

How many Audits in my 2yrs working here? ?
more than 5?

19 - 21st may. the crucial period.how i wish the days wont come. . .
this audit is much more serious than those previous one. . .
1st, you need to noe the vision, mission, core values, 10 spirits...
2nd, you need to noe your JD, KPI
3rd, you need to noe how those 2 contribute to vision, mission, etc...

how am i going to explain my JP & KPI...
*headache* . its worst than having exams!

Oh ya! i guess exam results are coming out soon . . .
stress!!!
even though im prepared for supp. paper, but i dont want it to happen . . .
this is the 1st time i so so worried/scared for the results. . .

since morning, i have been rushing my work . . . all the way till noon time, i thought i can relax abit. . . but
ricoh IT guy called and i need to attend to it. . .
so from 1 all the way to 3plus...i was standing there. . . super tired!
but luckily problem solved. . .

back to office, piles of invoices waiting for me to clear. . .
1 stack there, another stack here. . .
i hate to see so many papers on my table . . .
and also incoming calls.emails.
it just freak me out -___-""

now my whole body is aching. . .
im super tired and i have class later on.
its only 945pm den i will be dismiss. . .
taking the super long journey bus that will bring me to the nearest bus stop,
i pressume i will reach home at about 11pm. .. *keep my fingers crossed*

im still waiting for 500bucks to be transferred back to my account . . .
that idiot guy! seriously i dislike him!
15yrs leh! not 1.5days or 15mins leh... ..... .....
ive nothing more to say about him....
given up hope on him. :(

i just cant wait for the day to end. . .
its friday tml . ..but i have class! thats super sad. . .
weekends coming. . . i do not have to work or study. . .
so im going to sleep all the way . . .
:D
den late night, doing my dad accounts . . .
or i should go out on Sat and rest on Sun?

anyway, i shall see how it goes. . .
maybe i will stay at home on both days. . .

2010-05-10T02:44:00.002+08:00

#477

2010-05-08T21:47:00.003+08:00

#476

BLOG SKIN CHANGED!

YEAH!!!

THIS IS ALWAYS WHAT I WANTED...
THOUGH IT MAY NOT BE THE ONE I DESIGNED....

BUT SLOWLY I WILL TRY TO IMPROVE ON IT...

:)
I WANT TO ADD TWEETS ONTO IT..

BUT I DUN NOE~ HAHA

2010-05-03T16:16:00.002+08:00

#475

Yesterday, emo gotten into me again. . . I was super down that i actually teared. . .
the tears that once so stranger to me ....

i thought you will be the one who understand me well, but seems im wrong. . .
your words were harsh and i couldnt continue telling you how i felt. . .
the more i said, the more depressed i am. . .
i couldnt find the right words or the correct way to express how i actually felt.
people might think im thinking too much. . . but deep inside, im really hurt and sad. . .

im not trying to be nonsensical or creating more attention, but the way how they treated me are making me feel so neglected.
i may be an adult, but i do have feelings, and i guess i still ought to be treated as part of this family. . .
im not trying to be childish, but its the care and concern i just wanted from you guys. . .
just a little words of concern, im glad enough. . .
my presence seems to be diminishing each day by each day. . .and i feel like im just a tenant living in that room of mine.
i don feel a sense of belonging . . .
is it part of growing up that i failed to understand ? ? ?
if this is part of growing up, i will rather not grow up. . .

i always thought to myself. . .
dont always help people when they need help from me. . .
im tired helping people sometimes when they arent even appreciative at all . . .
or they disappear when they dont need my help at all . . .
is it suppose to be this way?

sometimes i just need alil' trust from you. . .
to you, i seem to be useless as compared to others. . .
your words are always hurting me.
no matter what i do, you always not satisfied. . .
why always compare me to others?
yah, im not clever as them. im not that capable as them too. . .
and i know im older than them . . .
but what you want me to do?

im sick for days and yet not even a concern from you.
they are sick and you are so worried.
you brewed herbal tea for them and when i told you im sick, 'thats common' was the reply i got from you.
am i sensitive or what ?

im quite tired sometimes,trying to be the best i can. . .
i have never feel so lousy before . . .
i fail to be the daughter that you wanted me to be. . .like how u fail to understand me as a parent. . .

2010-04-29T09:48:00.002+08:00

#474

im down with sore throat again. Less than a week of recovering, it comes back to me again.
properly the virus is still inside my body... i keep reminding myself to bring my medicines out to work today, but i still forgot...
OLD LADY ..

i hate this kind of feeling - sore throat, bodyaching...
i just cant find a right position to position myself....this feeling is so so wrong.

12hrs to go before i can reach home. if only the lesson for today is Marketing, i will excuse myself ...but timely so bad...Its Financial Accounting today.Should i go or Shouldnt i ?
i need to get myself well before tml evening...there will be alot of heaty food tml and how am i suppose to eat when im having sore throat.
please! let me recover fast fast. 1 day to go...
& sat, i still need to go out with ASShole .... i dont wan to go out with aching body...how to enjoy?!

i need to get myself started for revision...i got a bad feeling that im going to fail my exams...i need to prepare for my supp papers... i really cant imagine having to take 7 papers at the same time..
its going to be a nightmare for me...
*AHHHHHAHHHHAGHhhaggaaahhhh*
i need to buck up for yr 2 onwards. Its going to take into account whether you will be 1st class, 2nd class or 3rd class...
im aiming for 2nd class at least...(dun noe if it possible)...

Eric is back ...
but on 2nd may, he needs to book in ... every fri, he will book out..yeah..at least can get to see him every weekend.
:)
he looks so funny in botak, and i asked him alot of questions and he told me alot of things in camp.
super long never talk to him and bicker with him.
bought him a adidas cap, but dont know if he will wear it...
im going to take his photo... and post it in the FB...Whahaha..*EVIL ME*

his POP will be on 27th May...
tml BG bday, but the focus will be on Eric instead..hahaha..
his GOD -Daddy will be happy to see him too.. :D

LETS PARTY!

2010-04-26T09:58:00.003+08:00

#473

Whats the point of being so helpful, helping people when the person isnt appreciative at all...

i thought the person will at least thank you but no...the person dint say thank you and infact, the person said, i dint do and you actually did it...

2ndly, i told that person im on MC on friday but that person dint even ask me how im feeling, instead still can be so sarcastic and said i should be on MC on thursday so that i can queue for the tickets ...

okay,nvm...i kept quiet..

Talking about the jay concert, i suddenly rmembered sth...
i rmembered that person once told me, if Jay is to hold a concert in SG, no matter what we must go (sound so ncie right)..
But wait...guess what the person's reply when someone asked her, so you are accompanying her to watch the concert?
The person's reply : Ya, im accompannying her!! Im speechless, i just looked away.
Now, i really think, it may be a bliss that i couldnt get hold of the tickets.

after lesson on sat, i walked alone to the station...my mind keeps telling me to call or sms him...but i hesitated...i dont want him to think im making use of him...
but there are some moments, i actually took out my hp, preparing to sms/call him...i controlled...

i walked super fast, even faster than my usual speed.my mind just couldnt forget the expression of that 2 person..It really made my day down down down..
:(

at night, im just too freaking sian and bored.not knowing what to do and no shows to watch.. i smsed Dap...asking her if there is any place that we can go ...in the end, i met her at JP and we bought alot of rubbish and headed to Roderick house.
Watched Haichiko-a very sad true story-, but weird enough, i dint cry. Guess i talked too much rubbish during the show, spoilt the whole atmosphere...overall a nice show...I LOVE THAT HAICHI!

A dog is always loyal as compared to HUMAN...
Sometimes i would rather talk to FLOPPY than to anyone else...
At least they wont betray you, they won backstab you.They won give you attitude...They are not fake too..
HUMANS ARE JUST TOO FAKE...

Till now, i still have no feelings towards BBME1 0946A...
now then i realise F01 is way way better ...
i miss BFS - F01

2010-04-24T11:45:00.002+08:00

#472

Its my working saturday again + tutorial... luckily my tutorial lesson is located at UC. Save me the trouble of travelling...

nothing much for me to do...and im lazy to go to the finance to get back my POs and invoices...
I shall leave it till monday...

I was absent from work yesterday cos was down with flu,sore throat and cough + body-aching. Couldnt really wake up yesterday morning, so i took mc...
doing nothing but slept from 2 plus all the way to 6plus..so freaking tired.

its 24th April.10 - 4 more days...luckily there isnt any lesson on that day...
i will rush home after work :)

i hate to have blocked/running nose...cos i will have difficulty in breathing and especially at night when im trying to sleep. i will make myself extreme tired so that when i lying down on my bed, i will fall asleep right away.

its going to the end of April. May is coming which also means its getting nearer to Show's concert...
im super sian, cos i couldnt get hold of Jay's concert tickets.
2mths plus to exams again!!!
im worried for my previous sems results. i just got this feeling that im taking supp. paper...
People always says i sure won take any supp paper or i nv take any supp paper before..So this time, i can tell them..ya..i dun have any supp paper before..this time round, im going to have 4 supp. papers!!!

Sucky lo! i really cant imagine 4 supp + 3 main...i.e. 6 theory papers & 1 calculation paper...
can faint leh.

din have my medicine this morning cos of the drowsy effect, i need to tahan till 330pm before i can go home..
hopefully i don need to go anywhere after lesson. i need to sleep and sleep...

later at night, i need to complete the GST reporting for my dad.
hopefully i can keep to my promise.
tml morning, need to acc dap to collect laptop. will be back home before 530pm. *finger crossed*

i wanted to get a netbook ( i noe i having been saying alot of times), i really given up on my acer one..cos its freaking slow and i always have problem connecting my iphone to it due to some unknown devices or dun noe wad...
i wan to get a new watch too.. armani exchange..229$, should i or shouldnt i??

waiting for 130pm...den tahan for another 2hrs..its going to be a boring tutorial...

2010-04-20T10:38:00.004+08:00

#471

Yesterday, after my lesson my brother sent me home from clementi. He just had his exercise with his wifey.
lol, my brother couldnt even recognise me when i was walking towards him....

bought a bread from city vibre for my dinner... *extreme hungry*

after sending his wifey home, my brother was telling me about how he told my dad regarding the FB incident...

Last week, my brother saw my FB status.
He asked my Dad. Is he giving me too many things to do that caused me to be so stressed.
Well, my dad replied no. (he dint really giving me alot of works. The timely was wrong. I just finished my exams, weekly updating of accounts,CPF, GST and Eric going NS - all happening so closely together.)
My dad is emotional. He actually cried and replied, i treat every child of mine equally and always try to give the best to them all i can, but me & my elder brother always tell our parents that they only care about our 2 younger brothers. *Well, its true though*
My brother told him again, by calling me after my lesson whether i wan any dinner isnt the only way to show concern for me. He should pay more attention to my feelings...

Just nicely, after that night i posted the status in the FB, the next morning, my elder brother offered to send me to school, but i rejected with a very nicely tone which to him, i usually replied him with an impatient tone.So he sensed something is not right with me.
If i could still remember, that morning why i was replying so unusual was because im tired, abit stressed over the Singpass issue and also i couldnt find anyone to talk to ...& Eric~

Now im guilty cos of this incident, my father doesnt really talk to my elder brother. *im so sorry*

That night im really very stressed,with so many things for me to do,handle and to finish, and Eric's 1st day to Tekong... i wanted so much to cry out, but i controlled cos my youngest brother is in the room with me. Once again, i hit my laptop again. I hit my head,cos of the pain in my head. I wanted so much to throw my laptop down but i controlled... I wanted to shout but it already mid-night. My dad doesnt care if i had my lesson or not. He called me after my lesson, and i thought he wanted to ask me whether i want any dinner, but he dint. He asked me to call his accountant regarding some past yr accounts...
Once i reached home, i immediately emailed the accountant what she required. (its already 11plus going to 12mn when i emailed her). Proceed with the CPF, this is when im going to explode. I was panic looking for the Singpass, but none of them actually care. No one understands how panic I am. They happily went to sleep.
I tried ways to see if i can get hold of the Singpass or even request it without having to wait for days...but there is none. i went back to my bed ard 3am. I din really want to talk to anyone cos i know i will be showing attitude. My elder brother mistook me as behaving strangely. lol *thanks for his concern*
he keep offering me to stay at his house when its ready.

20.april.10
8 more days... im seriously missing him alot!
gosh, just by mentioning him in my blog, i feel like crying... :(
mummmmmyyyyyyYYY~ i miss ah Jie La!
no one is talking to me at home.
no one is talking to me in class too.
Im just so lonely~

*sob*
p/s: i need to get a super comfortable cushion for me to put in office. my back is hurting. im getting old.

its going to be a long week for me...
Sian..

2010-04-19T10:22:00.003+08:00

#470

Monday ah Monday...
Its always so blue...
If only theres more weekend than weekdays...

Next time I will not choose not to go shopping on a Sunday...
It will only make my weekend seems shorter...
Im just so tired after walking here and there yesterday...

Walk from Queenstown Library to Rideout Tea Garden (approx ~ 20mins)
Bus to Queensway Shopping Centre (walking journey of approx ~5mins)
Walk from Queensway Shopping Centre to AnchorPoint Bus stop (5mins)
Bus to Bugis Junction (no sitting at all..walk and walk 1hr to 2hrs?)
Walk from Bugis Junction to Suntec City (approx ~30mins)
Its seems like nothing...but having to carry 2 textbooks in the bag and to climb up the super long overhead bridge...its super tired!
Bus from Suntec all the way to home... (1hr with 30mins of nap~shiok)

Im super tired and can feel that my bones are falling apart from my body.
Body and legs no longer belongs to me...
reached home...on my tv and start watching the stars awards..

Recently, the weather is throwing a tantrum...
it shines and rains like no one else business..
the sun is so hot...and guess im always exposed to the sun...my skin tone is darker now...
the condition of my face is so bad. pimples popping out like they having reunion..

Every morning, im just so lazy to wake up.
I was hoping for my non working days...
I promise i will sleep early everyday...

Im so super lazy to go for lesson...
I have to go home myself ...1hr plus journey...
its like taking forever to reach my destination...

Im falling sick...
im lazy...
im tired..
i wan to graduate ASAP!

2010-04-18T00:28:00.002+08:00

#469

Last Night, I received a private number call...
at first i dont want to answer,as i don like to answer those unknown or private number. I've a phobia. Cos the call can be either insurance company, bank or sales company...

& it can also be some prank calls and ...

she called...i was shocked but im firm cos i know there is really nothing wrong between both us.
but i really apologised to her for causing this misunderstanding...
hope she won think so much cos there is really nothing between us...
:)

after that call, i really dont know what to do...
i wanted to sms him and tell him that we stop all sms or cut down sms...but its already mid night and to avoid more misunderstandings, i cant sms him...
i went to FB, hoping that that iveryshy or andy will be online cos i really need to find someone to talk to...but both were not online...
i struggled for an hr, and i fell asleep...so the next morning, i woke up at 8plus...i was blur, i wanted to sms him but i dun dare cos i was afraid that he is still at home...but when i saw the time again, i guess he wld be outside, so i decided to sms and told him that we should cut down our smses..
at first, i don noe how to tell him, cos i dun wan to tell him that she called me, as i really dont wan any more misunderstanding and troubles coming...so i twist here and there to tell him..*wow, its really kill alot of my brain cells..*
but now i just hope that she won misunderstand us...

this whole week, i only spent 2 days at home dinner with my parents...
schooling is killing me though i missed 2 days of lesson... *LOL*
still i was outside with friend and cousin...
i promise i will be home for dinner more often except on my schooling days...

next week onwards,
i need to start recording 7pm & 9pm shows for Eric~
i super miss him lo!!!
im super lonely in the house now...
:(

i really need to start studying soon...
i wan to watch Jay Concert..waiting for 22nd April..i will book the ticket over the phone...
9am!!! or i shld take half day leave on that day to book the ticket over the counter?
22 May 10 - Show Concert
23rd Jul 10 - Jay Concert
Swee la! if i can get hold of Jay Concert Tix...

im quite troubled and its seems like something is bothering me but i yet to find the real answer to it...

:(

2010-04-13T00:08:00.002+08:00

#468

I SUPER HATE SHAWN CHEN IN 7PM SHOW...HE'S A TRUE BASTARD!!!

I HAVEN REST SINCE THIS MORNING 5AM TILL NOW...
WENT TO TEKONG COS ERIC ENLISTMENT DAY.... FROM 8AM ALL THE WAY TO 3PM...
FINALLY REACHED HOME...

BATHED...

DAP SMSED...AND OFF WE WENT TO RP TO COLLECT HER LAPPY AND TO OUR SHOCK...THE QUEUE WAS SUPER LONG, NOT ONLY THAT, WE STILL NEED TO SEND THE LAPPY FOR CONFIGURATION... AND IT TOOK 30MINS...

LEFT RP ARD 7PLUS...TOOK CAB AND CHIONG DOWN TO SCH...
SUPER LATE WHEN I REACHED SCHOOL...

HUNGRY, TIRED & SLEEPY...
LUCKILY PEISI BOUGHT DINNER FOR ME...
SO I HAD MY DINNER...

LESSON ENDED AT 10PM.
AND THE ARRIVAL TIME OF 502 WAS 41MINS!!!
LUCKILY 111 CAME, SO I TOOK THE BUS WITH PEISI.
DAD CALLED AND ASKED ME TO CALL THE ACCOUNTANT AND I KNOW ITS NOT GOING TO BE A GOOD THING.
YA. EXPECTED. THEY WANTED ME TO EMAIL HER JUL-SEP 07 SALES DETAILS TO THEM.
SHE CALLED AGAIN.
I TOLD HER, I JUST ENDED MY LESSON,SO WILL ONLY BE ABLE TO EMAIL HER WHEN I REACHED HOME.

TOT I CAN REST AFTER LESSON.
SO MY DAY DOESNT END LIKE THAT.
I REACHED HOME...EMAILED HER THE ACCOUNTS.
AFTER THAT, I WANTED TO DO CPF FOR MY UNCLE...BUT I CANT THINK OF THE SINGPASS..
I WROTE THE PASSWORD IN THE FILE, BUT THE FILE WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.
AND THE DUE DATE FOR SUBMITTING THE CPF IS 15TH...
SIAN LA!!!!
I WANTED TO LOOK FOR THE FILE BUT THE FILE IS INSIDE MY BROTHER ROOM, AND I CANT GO IN...
IM FREAKING GAN JIONG!!! BUT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS....AND IT SEEMS LIKE MY PROBLEM AGAIN.
WTH...

MY LAPTOP IS CRAZY AGAIN.
SUPER LAGGY...
WANTED TO GO TO 1 WEBSITE, AND IT TOOK AGES TO LOAD..
I NEED TO GET THE FOOD FROM THE CAFE WORLD FOR ERIC..

THE MOB TV SELECT UPLOADED NEW EPISODES FOR 7PM SHOW. ERIC HAS ASKED ME TO RECORD EPS 117 ONWARDS FROM TV, COS HE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO WATCH FROM MOB TV WHEN HE BOOK OUT...
SUDDENLY SO MANY THINGS I HAVE TO TAKE NOTE AND TO DO...

TML GOING BACK TO WORK.
MY TABLE SURE VERY MESSY AND PILES OF PAPERS ON IT..
I HATE TO GO ON LEAVE OR MC...

I VERY FRUSTRATED NOW!
I WAN TO RUN AWAY FROM THIS HOME!
I WAN TO THROW MY LAPTOP ALL THE WAY TO LEVEL 1.
I WAN TO GET NEW LAPTOP.
I WAN TO WATCH JAY CONCERT!

I HATE EVERYTHING NOW!

2010-04-10T00:37:00.002+08:00

#467

These Iphone & Itouch Cases are NICE!! I found it all in USA Apple Store Webby and SG Apple Store Webby doesnt has it! :(

SAD. SG please bring in ...
lolxXx

http://www.katespade.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4075997&cp=1855190.2211933

this is damn chio too!

im going to source for nice casing tml.
Salmon here I come!!! :)

2010-04-05T08:34:00.004+08:00

#466
Usual Monday, Unusual Feeling

As usual, it's Monday but feeling isn't the same. I don't have the anticipation of going to work at all and since the night before I'm feeling this way. I guess it may due to First Day of school. It's going to be 3 days per week @DG and and and I have to go home myself. Imagine taking 502 from DG to J.west...wao. It's really a wao!! No more free ride from Eric. *sob*

Now I really dragging myself to work. There is no more motivation. I'm so bored in office...
I'm giving myself more work, trying to make myself busy so I won't have too many free times dreaming, thinking of going anywhere.
I hate the way I'm now. Not smiling, pulling a long face... Faking a smile when I'm not even happy...

I hate to stay in the office now, cos I'm irritated of the stomping sound and the voice asking me this and that.
*I wanted to inform HER something, she replied me with an impatient voice* trying to act smart when you don't even know anything. Fine! I will not tell or say anything next time!

It's 941am now, I'm like takin years to type this short entry...
I'm hungry now... I'm supposed to eat my breakfast but I'm lazy to eat... My hands are aching due to holding the umbrella for hours.
I can't wait for the day to end!
I don't want to go for lesson later! I hate going class now. Néw classmates!!! I hate marketing lesson... What the hell is marketing strategy all about??? I don even know if I can pass the foundation of marketing and now I have to take marketing strategy... Sian ah!!!
I really have no confidence of passing my last sems exams... I don wish to fail... I'm scared this time round...

I'm not feeling good at all since morning and till now I have yet to speak more than 10 sentences... Sound so pathetic...
10:07am now...

Pile of invoices and pos... I hope I can just dump all into the bin...

I wan a short break. There is alot places I wan to go.
I wan to go to the beach. I wan to stand under the sun.
I wan to lie on my bed, not doing anything but lying there...
I wan to go sentosa! (can I take mc and go sentosa since it's sch days now, assume there isn't large crowds)

it's quarter of the year and starting of a new month....I don't want to do GST reporting and I don't want to do CPF either.
I don't want to do anything that I Dont like...

Oh ya! I saw the price of the Armani exchange watch I like...
I'm going to buy!!! It's going to be my next aim...

It's seems like I'm waiting for a sms...
My Msg tone rings... I tot it was him though I know it can't be him. I can't force myself not to wait for his sms...
I start to question myself, what the hell am I doing??
I hope it's just because the concern and care that he has shown that make me yearn for his presence and his sms....

Enough said,
I take my leave...

2010-03-31T10:26:00.005+08:00

#465

I thought Customer Service Line Or Hot Line or Whatever that require to serve people, their attitude and service ought to be good and nice...
Why do I get such a lousy and attitude service early in the morning? It totally spoilt my mood for the day...
*SUCKY ASSHOLES*

What kind of service?
I called them around 9plus in the morning, and SHE told me, they are unable to deliver the stuff down as ALL their deliverymen had gone out.
Even i emphasized that MINE IS AN URGENT MATTER, she still unable to do it for me. Wad kind of service they provide?! If other Company, they will deliver to me if i told them its urgent.
AND I STILL REMEMBER, 1 OF THE MANAGEMENT STAFF FROM THIS COMPANY EVER MENTION TO ME THAT, IF I ORDER THE STUFF BEFORE 11AM, THEY WILL BE ABLE TO DELIVER THE STUFF DOWN ON THE SAME DAY. I CALLED THEM AT 9PLUS IN THE MORNING, THIS FUCKING ASS TOLD ME, THEY CAN ONLY DO IT TOMORROW. STILL SHE CAN TELL ME, TO COME DOWN TO THEIR OFFICE TO COLLECT IT MYSELF IF I REALLY NEED IT URGENTLY.WHATS THE POINT OF HAVING DELIVERYMAN?!!! OK FINE, SO WHEN I TOLD HER, I NEED TO CHECK WHETHER THERE IS ANYONE FROM MY SIDE WHO CAN GO DOWN, SHE RAISED HER VOICE AT ME, FEELING FRUSTRATED. cb lo! RAISED HER VOICE AT ME FOR fuck.. OBVIOUSLY I NEED TO CHECK WHO WILL IS AVAILABLE BEFORE I CAN CONFIRM WITH HER WHETHER ANYONE CAN GO DOWN PERSONALLY TO COLLECT IT RIGHT.fuck off lo.SHE THINK WHAT THE STAFFS FROM MY SIDE, SIT THERE SHAKE LEG, DOING NOTHING BUT TO COLLECT THE STUFFS PERSONALLY WHEN OUR VENDOR IS UNABLE TO DELIVER TO US!

Really cant take it! I called the Guy to complain about their lousy and attitude their Service hotline has given to me.He is nice, he will send down the stuffs for me. Instead of 1 machine that i requested for, he going to send down 3 for 3 machines.
If there is a feedback form or what, i will write in and complain. LOUSY Service. GO HOME SLEEP LA!!!!

Its barely half day, and yet im feeling so super ANGRY.Dont even feel like doing my work and talking to anyone.
Headache!
Im controlling my temper. I realise the more i try to control, the more people will 'bully' me.
I dont talk back, doesnt mean im easy target to be bullied
I dont shout back, doesnt mean you can go further...
I just being cool, cos shouting and scolding back wont help anyway.
But when you anger me further, I will shout back!
ArggghhhhHhhhhHhhhh..SUPER ASSHOLE,FUCKERS.

*im a nice gal*
dont let me turn into someone who is nasty.
wao..really cant take it leh..
even though i had written down my anger and told 2 person about it...
Im still feeling very ANGRY LA!!
COol Down..COol Down.. i need to CoOl down..
Give me a pail of iCy water..Im going to Pour the water on Me!
I cant get too angry!! Now my head is spinning...
Blood Pressure Shooting Up!

2010-03-30T23:44:00.002+08:00

#464
My Year 2 Term 1 TimeTable = SUCKS!

Now instead of 2 days per week, it has increased to 3 days per week..Which is so freaking sian...
if the venue is UniCampus instead of DG, guess i won be so sianz.

The other thing I dont like about my timetable is...Im having my 1st paper on 12th July, which is just 2 days after my bDay, so who will remember to celebrate for me. and that particular module for the day is going to be 3hrs!! not only that...it starts from 345pm to 645pm...

The only thing that i still find it good is that, my taiwan trip won really clash with my timetable...Cos initially i tot i will miss 2 lessons, but now its only 1 lesson im going to miss..

Now i cant wait for my taiwan trip...
the day i come back will be my Darling bDay...I had promised him 1 slice, just 1 slice of Secret Recipe Cake!
*hope i remember*

Anyway, 10 days of short holiday seems so fast. Its already tuesday...4 days after my exams...im going to start my new term in 6 days time...
Its going to be a tough term for me.Well, year 2 wont be easy. I hope i will keep to my promise and study hard for the rest of my degree course...

Its been a busy work day for me for the past 2 days. Dealing with endless POs and Invoices and Updating of data, Filing and etc.
I told myself to file my documents everyday instead of piling up for once a week to file.
Now, my snr exec goes on leave...ah pa will be super busy, i will play as his personal assistant, taking down all the events, set up and etc to remind him..
i even got the notebook prepared..and had started written down the events and set up for this whole week...

Im taking care of ah pa!! ah pa is nice to accompany me for lunch too..
:)

Raining~& ytd i actually went to the guard house to borrow umbrella...and its so stupid... the rain wasnt that big ...
waste my time using an umbrella, which i really hate it.
today raining heavily again.... but luckily it stops when im going home..haha..so dont need to borrow umbrella again...and my cleaning sup. also offer to drive me to the station if the rain dint stop..

so fast, im starting my lesson, and my darling going to start working...means our sms will cut down alot...its going to take sometimes for me to get used to it...I will try though hard... :(

2 more working days for me...long weekend, im going to make full use of it....
but i need to clear my dad account on this friday. SHIT !
this is what i hate to do most~

suddenly feel like watching movie...
like kidnapper and those Cartoon Movies...
I wan to go Kbox too...
I wan to go Universal Studio...

I wan to buy this, I wan to buy that...
my list doesnt seem to stop...

i wish for thousand, million of dollars dropping from the sky...
i dream and i dream...

*im missing him so much*

2010-03-28T21:03:00.005+08:00

#463

Not feeling good at all now... its just so sudden...
i hate this kind of feeling...and i dun wish to talk to anyone right now...

i had fun yesterday and today...
but now im feeling so down...

i went partyworld and played my childhood fav. pasttime...SWING...
As usual, i took pics..but peisi not in the mood to take any pics..
After singing, we went to Holland V. Swensens to slack. . .not knowing what to do and where to go...
All the way from 12am to 245am, we were sitting there eating the ice cream, talking about the exams, all sort of rubbish...Basically, we are just 2 lame and nothing better to do gurls.

I love the swing at Holland Village there. I want to go back for more... Having to swing in the midnight is shiok, where there is no sun, no children, no noise... i love the breeze of the wind...
Im falling in love with that moment..

This is Me..in the office...
Before the word EXAM came to me
Before i start stressing for EXAM

This is me after EXAM & with new Hair Colour...

Actually very enthusiastic to blog, but suddenly feeling very down..dont even feel like writing anything.
Im happy this whole afternoon no doubt...
but human's feelings are just so hard to understand.
this minute u can be happy, but the next minute you will be feeling very unhappy.

I Seriously hate this kind of me..
I hate to go to work too...
There is no one else i can talk to...
:(

PS: i wan to buy WATCH AGAIN!

2010-03-27T00:05:00.002+08:00

#462

EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER!
4 PAPERS IN THIS SEMSTER REALLY DRAINED ME DOWN TO THE LOWEST . . .
IM TIRED HAVING TO STUDY 4 THEORY PAPERS.

I LOVE CALCULATIONS MORE TO THEORY...NO DOUBTS!

YEAR 2 WILL BE STARTING IN 10 DAYS TIME...

Malfunctioning
.
Cant think
.
Out Of Order
.
Confusion
.
Bewilderment
.
Blankness
.
Emptiness
.
Crazy
.
VERY SOON

i like FCC, thanks for the care & concern...

Putting on a smile on face, doesnt mean im happy.
Putting on a sad face, doesnt mean im sad.
Acting nonchalant doesnt mean i don care.
Im not a good talker, but im a good listener.
Trust me like how you want me to trust you.

1 week has passed.
im trying to get used to working without you.
soon, i will get used to it.

Im tired!

2010-03-21T18:05:00.006+08:00

#461

Just for my Darling

Wish i could keep you much longer
I know you gotta go cause you got things to do
Wish i could keep you much longer
Now you too busy for me ~~girls~~ like i was to you
Wish i could stop by
And maybe say Hi
Wish i could just stop by
And lay by your side

I wanted you to be there when i fall
I wanted you to see me through it all

I'll remember you
And baby thats forever true
You are the one that i'll always miss
Never thought it would feel like this
I'll be there for you
No matter what you are going through
In my heart, you'll always be forever baby
I'll remember you
You made me believe that i can do almost everything
Stood right by me
Through the tears through everything
I promise you i wont forget the times we shared the tears we cried
You'll always be the sun in my sky
It may be fate that brings us back to meet again someday
Even though we go separate ways..

I miss you
There is not other way to say it
And i can
I can deny it
I miss you
Its so easy to see

If you gave me 1 chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would sing to you and tell you i wont live my life without you
If you gave me 1 chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes
And you know i'd never let you go

Until the day i let you go
Until we say our next hello
Its not goodbye
Till i see you again
i'll be right here remembering
when and if time is on our side
There will be no tears to cry on down the road
There is 1 thing i cant deny
Its not goodbye
You think i would be strong enough to make it through and rise above when the rain falls
down
But its so hard to be strong
When you've been missing somebody so long

As we go on,
We will remember all the times we had together
We had together
As our lives change
from whatever, we will still be
Friends Forever

Dont you ever wish you were someone else
You were meant to be the way you are
When you learn to love yourself,you are better off by far
And i hope you always stay the same cos there nothing about you i would change

Darling,

Even though how much i wanted to keep you much longer, but i cant. I wanted you to stay. I remember you and I miss you. I promise you that you will never be replaced and its not goodbye and we will always be friends forever and hope you stay the same.

ps: the green bold words are the title of the songs...it represent the paragraph of wordings on top (in orderly manner)

2010-03-20T16:04:00.004+08:00

#460

19th march finally arrived...

Yesterday morning walking into the campus was a mixed feelings for me. I don't wish to walk past the guard house as I'm afraid of bumping into him.. But I have no choice as I need to take something from the guard hse. While walking in the campus, my heart was like pumping so fast. I went to the window and asked if the guard was there, he wasn't. Luckily he wasn't there too. I left quickly toward the recept as I need to fill up my water bottle...

I escaped! There isn't any sight of him...
Went up to the office. Feeling so hungry but I insisted not to buy breakfast from the canteen cos I remembered there was a set up this morning. I called my ah pa to help me buy instead...

Around 8plus I went down with my ah ma as she need to see if the set up was being nice up nicely. Therefore I went down with her at the same time get my breakfast from ah pa.

Back to office, I don't feel that good. I was super sleepy and my whole body was aching. I'm sick! I did my work and everything was being done quite fast. I trying to bury myself with work so I won think so much... And also refrained myself of going anywhere except staying in the office.
I still went to the guard house in the end to check all the used and 'spoilt' access cards... Together with my executive... I did the checking while she doing other things... She has to leave half way cos her contractor was Here. I was left alone there, I wanted to get things done fast and leave the place fast. So once I'm done with the things, I left the place. My ah pa came in just nice and I left seconds after he left...

He reached office faster than me. Saw him at the opp department signing his clearance form. Back to our office to sign but I don wan to sign so in the end, my ah ma signed. Photograph session going on while waiting for my boss to be back. Passed him the present from me and ah ma as well as the big card. I din really talked or looked at him when he was in the office. I just kept on facing my pc not knowing what to do or see, so I played with my phone. He left after my boss signed for him...

I texted him saying that I have sth to pass to him... Before that I went to canteen to buy my lunch. And I super hungry since I din eat my lunch earlier... Ah pa told me he was at level2.. But I din really look, just carried on walking back to office. Guess he was busy, so I went to guard house to pass him the present instead, but saw him on the way. Present gave to him, photo taken.. I went to guard house. Stayed there, talking to iveryshy and let him played my phone... I'm quiet and sian. I don noe what to do but just staying there while waiting for my exec to finish her work. I played my phone when my exec and iveryshy were talking... No one cares about my presence.. Hahahaaha

he came in.. Handed over some keys to iveryshy. He back to his own things.. And I left shortly with my exec...
I texted him again... Haiz.. My ah pa told me he still in guard house, luckily it rained else I don noe how to walk past later...
But raining so heavily that I don even noe how to go home!!! I asked my exec if she taking shuttle bus, and she was.. So I told her we will meet at the Lobby after she has given the piece of paper to the guard house.. Cos I don wan to go to the guard house..but she left without me. Haix..

In the end, I sat at the reception waiting for the rain to become smaller so i can leave.. But the rain doesn't seems to stop, so I texted Andy asking him if he was convenient to send me to station.. Thanks him!!!! He drove me to the stAtion..

While waiting for the train, I was still texting him... Thats the most number of SMS I had ever texted with him...
Anyway, the day has ended...
He msn me the pic of the present I given to him, glad that he likes it...
Damn sad and very sad that I have to suppress my feelings, my tears eventsully row down while I'm in the train... Super paisey!!!

The day is over... Everything won be the same again... I wonder how it feels without him in the school...
Who can I confide in or talk to when I need someone...

2010-03-17T18:12:00.003+08:00

#459

I seriously fucking hate my elder brother. Just because he isn't feeling good and he can scold people! Fucker!

For goodness sake, I never ask him to come and fetch me home, okay I do appreciate him for coming, but do it willingly.

I tried to contact my mum, she doesn't want to pick up her call, is it my fault? I already tried calling many times, but still can't get hold of her, is it my fault again??

By the way, I'm doing my work. I'm not sitting there looking at the clock, how am I suppose to know it's 530pm. In the first place, why can't you call her yourself ? Why must you always go through a third party to do for you?

I'm not your assistant or maid or whatsoever.
Scolding me once I went in the car, does it make you feel good?? Shouting inside the car makes you feel happy or shiok??

Is you who heard the waiting point wrongly and it's not I don wan to tell you, but will you listen or you will reply by shouting at me again!
I don want to agrue with you and by keeping quiet doesn't mean I'm scare of you..

I just don't understand why my tears just flow out like that. I tried controlling it but it just keep rolling down. Useless me. Really feel like slapping myself.

My mother another one. Partly is becos of her and she still can act as if nth happened when she got in the car.

WTF!!!

Sometimes I just hate this family!!

2010-03-16T22:11:00.001+08:00

#458

Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Lights are low, the curtains down
There's no one here
[There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around [no one around]
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[One lonely star you don't know who you are]

Chorus:

I've always been in love with you [always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye

Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart [breaking my heart]
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown
[Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown]
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played [role that you played]
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star
[One lonely star and you don't know who you are]

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye

All the world is a stage [world is a stage]
And everyone has their part [has their part]
But how was I to know which way the story'd go
How was I to know you'd break
[You'd break, you'd break, you'd break]
You'd break my heart

I've always been in love with you
[I've always been in love with you]
Guess you've always known
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye

2010-03-13T19:35:00.003+08:00

#457

I haven been feeling happy for the past 1 week. I couldn't tell anyone the real reason to it and yet I'm trying hard to be happy or act nothing happen. It's very tiring for me...

I dint know that I would actually mind so much. I denied everything when people ask me, I'm just trying to escape from it.

The more I try not to think about it, the more I'm actually thinking about it...

With the coming exams i'm going to have, i ought to feel pressurized and stress but I'm not feeling that way. I don't have the mood to study my notes and even if I open my text, my mind will start to wander around after few mintues of me trying to get into the books. This isn't doing me any good. I have less than 5 days or to be exact 3 days to my 1st paper and I'm still stuck with what and how I'm goin to start it.

Shit me!! I'm Just too easily being influenced and emotional gal.

Am I too emotional recently or I store too much tears inside me that it's going to overflow?

If my mind goes into daze, I could feel the warmness of my eyes and I know that it's going to flow if lose control.

I'm trying hard not to think about other things except my exams but I really had a hard time doing it.

The thing just seems to occupy my mind and it's looks as if it's an important task for me...

By acting nonchalant isn't helping me not helping others who really cares or knows me well.

I hope I have more time but I don't. There are alot of things I wanted to say but I'm choose to escape it.

Cos I know by saying it would not help me and it may even hurt the other people. I choose to remain silent but remaining silent is a torture I would say.

I need more attention, I would really hope that i can tell you, you really stand an important place in my heart. It's just purely friends and not more than that. But I can't imagine what will other people think or you think if I ever said that...

I'm always hoping for someor whom i can really talk to and feel no pressure when facing that person. But good things always don't happen on me.

To me, you are a friend, a close friend whom doesn't need to meet up everyday and still there are on going conversations between us. I like your presence as you never fail to make me smile or laugh. Always make me get 'irritated' and always tell me what I should do and not do. Tell me what is right and what is wrong. Someone who always so eager to find a bf for me, afraid that I will be left on the shelf. Someone who can be caring and nasty at times...

Now the day has come, you are leaving for better prospect, though sad and can't bear, still I wish you all the best..

I'm glad to have you as my friend though to you, I'm just a normal colleague...

2010-03-10T21:44:00.005+08:00

#456

I got myself new h/phone last sunday.... NOW i seriously need to get a new NETBOOK!!!

IM SUPER SAD!!!!
HE's LEAVING IN FEW DAYS TIME....
PART OF ME WISH TO SEE AND TALK TO HIM MORE OFTEN, BUT PART OF ME DOESNT WISH TO SEE OR TALK TO HIM ...

NOW I REALLY DON NOE WAD TO TALK TO HIM... I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO AVOID TALKING ABOUT HIS LAST DAY WITH HIM...COS I DON NOE HOW TO REACT OR FACE HIM WHENEVER WE TALKED ABOUT HIM, BESIDE TELLING HE IS BAD, I DON WAN TO SEE OR TALK TO HIM AGAIN AND I HATE HIM, I REALLY DON NOE WAD ELSE I CAN SAY.

YTD I HAD A LONG CONVERSATION WITH HIM... & I HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO TALK TO HIM EXCEPT TALKING RUBBISH AND CRAP HERE AND THERE. I HIT HIM, BEAT HIM , KICKED HIM...JUST TO AVOID TOUCHING ON THAT TOPIC...

I AGREED IM AVOIDING AND ESCAPING...
HAIZ.
IM JUST TOO SAD!
19TH MAR 10, HOW I WISH THIS DATE WILL NEVER COME...

Bags:
Agnes B,Burberry,Coach,Gucci,Kate Spade
Next : LongChamp, DKNY

Watches:
2Adidas,3Casio,1DKNY,1Esprit,1Guess,1G-Shock,1Puma,1Vagary
Next : FCUK,pending...

Misc:
Coach - KeyHolder,CoinPouch,Wallet,Wristlet,Hp Chain.
LV - Card Holder
Gucci - Wallet, Lanyard
Next : Coach Passport Holder, Agnes B Bag Charm

Others:
Toshiba laptop,Acer Laptop,SE k800i,F480i,E63
Next : Acer NetBook, ~~New Hp!!~~

2010-03-09T00:43:00.005+08:00

#455

GOOD THINGS & MOMENTS DON'T SEEM TO LAST.

TODAY ISNT A GOOD DAY FOR ME.

I GOT TO KNOW SOMETHING THOUGH I ALREADY KNEW IT BUT NEVER DID I THOUGHT THAT IT REALLY HAPPEN.

SAD! I DIN NOE IM ACTUALLY SO AFFECTED BY IT. AND WHILE TALKING TO MY OFFICER, I CAN FEEL THAT MY TEARS WERE ACTUALLY FIGHTING TO COME OUT. I FORCED IT BACK.

I REALLY CANT IMAGE ON THE ACTUAL DAY, HOW WILL I REACT. TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM IT. HAIZ.
CONFUSING ~

SIAN LEH.
HOW..

2010-03-05T19:44:00.004+08:00

#454

Read Asshole's blog and she wrote about her past...while reading, memories just came back to me...and having the urge to write down about my past...its not that interesting and no pictures to show like what Asshole had done... Well, i should start with my past...

I will start with my primary sch life...

1991-1996 (RiverValleyPrimarySchool)

I was in class 1D,2D,3D,4A,5B(Sapphire),6D(Mercury).
I couldnt really remembered what happened during my 1st 3yrs in primary school, all I knew was my best friends during that time were Clara, Amy & Huitian... But the 1st friend that I actually knew and made was Weiling, and her mum used to drive me and my brother to school some of the days. I still remembered sometimes her mum would drive us to her popiah store before going to school & me,her, together with her brother,my brother and her cousin were gathered together and played at her store. Those were the days...

My favourite games during that time were hopscotch,zero-point and 4/5 stones. I would never failed to play all these during recess time or before school. I was a shy gal those days. I would never initiate any conversations with any boy classmates. & my handwriting was so ugly and untidy that my form teacher, Mrs Ng, actually told me in front of the class that my handwriting is horrible ugly and asked me to improve it. That time I dont really bother about it. Haha..
The 1st classmate i liked was Wencheng. My ex partner and my hero. He gave me his hse number asking me to call him if i need help cos my game was being stolen by 1 of the boy from other class. Thats how i got his hse number, and 1 incident that happened in the Jurong Bird Park that made me like him ...Haha..Thats really puppy love... LOL..
I was never a smart student back in primary school. My results suck alot.
Pri 1 - 84.9% (22/37)
Pri 2 - 71.3% (22/35)
Pri 3 - 64.3% (26/34)

Stepping into Pri 4, i got to know Yensiew and JieYing. I seldom hang out together with my ex best friend as we were being separated into different class. I was sitting infront of Yensiew and there was 4-5 rows of 3 students in each row, we were the only girls sitting that row. Therefore, i was close to Yensiew and both of us love Fann Wong! Haha. Thats why we clicked. From then, im not that shy and dared to talk to boys. Haha. Chengyou (he is the one who sent me flowers on my bday last yr, thanks to him for the surprise!!) and GuanSeng(i miss him alot, lost contact after pri 4 when he shifted to Bedok). Talking about these 2 guys, i really hate Chengyou that time, he always bullied me back then. Hitting me so hard on my back without any reasons. I couldnt do anything that time but im glad that KengSeng (my ex bro), always scold him for hitting me. As for GuanSeng, he treats me good and bad. I remembered theres 1 time, i asked him to use the chalk to 'clean' my shoes (during that time, this was so in trend) and he actually bent down and cleaned for me. But i am afraid of him that when i got down of the bus after school, and he happened to drop down from the school bus, that i had to run fast to avoid him, but he as a super fast runner, overtook me. He dont allow me to go home and we were like struggling for 10-15mins at the lift lobby till i cried, then he allowed me to go home. WAO LAO! and once he called me and threatened me asking me to meet him downstairs if not he would come up to my house and he DID. I had to hide behind a table to avoid him. Think back, though scary and childish, but was fun.

Pri 5 - my most fav times during primary school.
I met alot of nice friends like Kailing, Jolene, Huishi, Shuling, Joel, BiaoDa, William...
I liked Jolene as a friend that time. She is my best friend!!! the 1st guy i actually like was BiaoDa. i was sitting beside him. He is a smart boy. The big bully of the school, Joel Leong! and the ah beng of the school, William. But all of them are nice people, and i love them alot! Now i had changed alot. From a timid gal to a tomboyish. I could actually stayed back in the school just to play catching with other boys from other class, running in the rain. Getting injured back then was like so common.
Pri 6 - now my gang consist of huishi & kailing. We are like the 3 ah lians in pri 6. No one can be that tomboyish like us. Haha. But i love the way im cos im happy!!! i skipped my house practice session just to go to their house and play or even lied to my uncle just to go shopping at Tiong Bahru(my fav hangout place). Stalking William, BiaoDa. Haha.
Waking up early in the morning, just to take bus to Zion Rd, to take 195 to school, hoping that i could bump into Joel in the bus. I love getting his attention, though he always bully me. Haha..he is the 3rd boy i liked ...I could still remember the things he wrote in my autograph book.
"Dear Liling, whenever you tie your hair, you look beautiful but sometimes you are too fierce.Among Huishi and Kailing, you are not as fierce as them but you must remember something,(change your temper) and you can even be a better girl" That was so sweet of him. Haha..but we lost contact after PSLE. infact i lost contact with most of them since i shifted back to my own place.(from redhill to jurong)

Pri 4 - all band 3 except chinese band 2...
Pri 5 - 55% ( i failed my science!- i hate science) (37/39) - pro right!!
Pri 6 - 57.25% ( i failed english and science on my prelims) (29/33)
PSLE : 168 - i got into my 1st choice!!! QSS...

1997-2001 :Queensway Sec School - a school i never regret going in!!!
With such a good result i got for my PSLE, i was in Normal Academic Stream. Haha. I felt so paisey having to go into normal stream that time, and i was the only one being posted to QSS, while Huishi & Kailing were being posted to GanEngSeng Sec. So, soon we were drifted and lost contact after that. *SAD*

I was in Class 111, 211
My close friends were Peisi, Gim Li,Looping, Sina. Again, im back to shy and timid gal. LOL. I remembered my english teacher, Ms Lee, asked me to read in class, but my voice is super soft and i was sitting at the last row. So she couldnt hear what im talking and i was so stubborn that when she asked me to repeat again, i kept quiet. She got so pissed off that she walked out of the class, and my class started to blame me. WHahaha.but i still dont care. Attitude sucks!
My maths and science which were my worst subjects during primary school times and i actually scored during sec sch times. I always got either full marks or high marks for my maths tests. Thats so surprising for me. And that was also the 1st time i got Bursary for my studies and being 19th in level position. Haha. and i got A1 for my maths and B3 for my science! :)

Sec 211, my results dropped! I had my 1st bf who is 2yrs my senior. I got to know him through gimli. They were together once. *opps* Strange enough, i dont really mixed that well with my chinese guys, i mixed well with my malay guy friends.
Anim - my brother,Fareed - my father, hanis, mukuthan, Shaufi, Martin Ong(1st guy i like in qss). Me and peisi drifted due to SOMEONE and i Dislike her till now....No one likes me, when i knew that 2 of the gals actually said that how come Im in the same class with them and not peisi. So disheartening! and 1 of them was actually REBECCA who becomes my close friend in sec 3. Haha

Sec 312 - streaming class, we need to choose what subjects we wanted to take. I die die want to get into Commerce Class no matter what. Maybe under my ex influence who also took accounting. By getting into Accounting class, Maths must be good. Luckily i got 74 for my maths.therefore i got into accounting class. Peisi chose technical and she got in. Me, Rebecca got into the same class. I love this class alot!! But they are all very competitive that everyone was like competing among each other. and that competitive force is invisible. Haha. So, me more or less got affected too. But i was never at top 20. so sickening. it was so competitive that our position was only 0.5-2% away from each other. So even though i got 73.3%, i was in 16th position, but with this percentage, i can get into 1st or 2nd position in other class. this was the times whereby i got to know tWc. my 2nd bf. I broke off with my 1st ex and 4 days later, i got together with him. well, we din last cos it was all my faults! he is a nice guy i would say. and the last broke off we had, we din talk to each other.Worst still, he was sitting behind me and he kept talking to the gal whom i disliked so much. for the 6mths we din talk, i got tgt with another guy whom happened to be my pri sch mate.

Sec 412 - My history was power! Haha. i never passed my history exams! but to my shock, i actually passed my N level History. I remembered that time getting my N level results,the principal announced that 90% passed history, the 1st thing that came to my mind, i knew for sure im the 10% who failed history, but after that he said, 90% passed Geography!! and 100% passed History. Wao..I was so happy but still dare not to believe it before i looked at it. so when getting the results, i din look at my english result, i was looking at my history results. Haha.and to my shock!! i passed with a B4. That was the 1st time i passed my History!

Sec 514 - those taking history was being posted to this class whereby its full of different combi. Overall, we called this class as rojak class. we wanted so much to go back to our previous class, that we wrote to our vice principal, but was being rejected. Haix. the competitive force wasnt there anymore. I was slacken down. I was sitting near the door. And most of the time i wasnt paying any attention, and was being caught by the principal for reading magazine in class. DumbAss! on the 1st day of lesson, twC came by and he talked to me. i disturbed him by asking him whether he wants to be my bf infront of my 3 friends and his 1 friend. He looked so paisey and he rejected me, saying i won accept you. Haha. At the very night, he called me...chatting with me and eventually he asked me the same question, and i told him off for rejecting me. He explained to me that he couldnt say yes cos of infront of so many pple and too sudden. Haha. anyway, i agreed. so for my whole sec 5 life, i was with him!! good and sad things happened. and he broke off with me on the eve of our O level paper. 1 sentence from him that i would never forget. I REGRET KNOWING YOU AS A FRIEND. COol, i hurt him too deep, and since than we never talked.

Sec 1 : 60.7% ( 8/38)
Sec 2 : 57.4% (19/35)
Sec 3 : 73.3% (16/38)
Eng : B3, Chinese, C.Sci, FOA : A1, History : C5, Maths : A2
Sec 4 : 73.0% (16/38)
Prelims : Eng : C5, Chinese : A2, Maths, FOA : A1, C.Sci :B3, History : U
N level : Eng : B3, Chinese,FOA, Maths : A2, C.Sci : B3, History : B4.
Sec 5 : 52.8% (12/41)
Prelims : Eng, Maths : C5, Chinese : B3, C.Sci : C6, FOA : B3, History : F9
O level : Eng : C6, Chinese : A1, FOA : B3, C.Sci,Maths : B4,

Poly Life SuckS! I dont like NP at all, I wanted to go into SP Business Adm but they gave me NP Banking & Finance. Haiz. During poly times, i skipped most of my lectures. I failed most of my tests and was even got interviewed by my mentor asking me why i failed all my modules.

My friends said im lucky to have pass my exams every yr and managed to clear even though i failed my tests. I never liked my poly times at all. I hate going to school and hate presentations and projects. I simply hate everything during poly times. But i had my 4th BF there. lol. He is so different from me, anyway, hes from Engineering and he is 1yr snr den me though we are same age. He is hardworking type while me lazy type. Smsed him during lesson, he will not reply me the most 1 - 2 replies from him. He will always attend lectures while me skipping lectures.
We dint last, cos of me again.

After graduating from Qss, i was not as happy as i was back then. I dont have much friends and even my closet friend whom i knew for so long can betray me, so i dont know who to believe and to trust. Im grateful to peisi who standby me during my darkest times and for some reason, we became stranger. and not forgetting Anim who never failed to be there for me when no friends are with me. Soon, i know friends are not forever, and slowly i dint confide anything to my friends but to my working colleagues, FJ & Nat. Though we seldom met after we left Shell, but the friendship that holds us tgt are so real and trusting. At least i know i can confide in them and not afraid being betrayed by them. I really thank them for being there for me.

Back to studies after leaving school for 4yrs. im not those studious type but for 1 purpose i chose to go back. and becos of this, me and peisi got tgt again, though there are still strange moments initially, and it actually took us quite sometimes to break the ice even we had know each other for 13yrs. But at least now we can suan each other like in the past. HEex.

Actually even now, i dont have any close friends. I miss those times i had during sec sch times whereby they are so simple. Why must the world be so complicated. I wanted to trust people so much, but i always felt that my trust was being misused. And i always think people are always making use of each other. Why must they only remember me when they need me and not otherwise. Why whenever i need help, they are not there for me.

Sometimes i really dont know what is the purpose of life, when there is no one u can actually confide in or trust.

Now whenever i got problems, i will keep to myself.

Putting on a smile on face, doesnt mean im happy.
Putting on a sad face, doesnt mean im sad.
Acting nonchalant doesnt mean i don care.
Im not a good talker, but im a good listener.
Trust me like how you want me to trust you.

I wanted to write about my past, but it seems like it has gone out of point.lol

2010-03-02T09:39:00.004+08:00

#453

EeehhhhEhhh! Already feeling not very good early in the morning, and someone trying to be irritating, made me actually raised up my voice over the phone. (i seldom do this to other pple) and this was actually the 2nd time im actually so pissed off and angry in the office!!!

WTF! Early in the morning, give me pattern. PMS huh!!!! Dont make me scold in the office!!!! (though i nearly did that just now) Im here trying to be patient, but on the other side, that fellow kept on repeating and repeating to the extent that I couldnt stand it anymore. I really feel like telling him, "hey,can you please listen to me and stop repeating the same old sentence over and over again, its really pissing me off and dont be so childish and please behave like your age. CB!"

Another issue, sent an email out yesterday evening time regarding about the access card. Still, there was someone who actually emailed the HR this morning asking for access card. DO THE PERSON KNOW HOW TO CHECK EMAIL!!!!! I was so angry that i replied saying I went to look for the person but the person wasnt there and i sent an email out informing that the access card is ready for collection, pls come to XXXX to collect it. AND I emailed to the person too.

Since friday, my body was like aching and i thought after sleeping will be okay, but it doesnt seems to help. The pain went off awhile after i woke up, but it came back again after that. Till today, im still feeling pain over me.Now my stomach feels pain too. Super not in the mood today. I just hope time flies faster. I dont look good either. I look as if im dying soon. Cos of the facial on last sunday, my face is now full of after-squeezing-effect red spots, i had to use foundation to cover it and abit of blusher, if not, i will be like so pale looking...(all thanks to the pain im suffering now). No matter how pain im in now, i cant show or tell anyone, and i still have to look happy infront of people. *is the world full of clowns?*

Now my mood is like *PEK CHEK.FRUSTRATED.IRRITATED.ANGRY.IN PAIN*
I need a bed to lie down.
I need panadol extra...
I need warm water...
I need to be at home right now!!!
Im dying soon ...

2010-02-28T17:24:00.005+08:00

#452

LILING IS FALLING SICK!!!!

ONCE AGAIN, I HESITATED...I WENT INTO THE STARHUB SHOP, AGAIN I PAUSED. I DONT KNOW WHETHER TO GET IPHONE... THINKING OF THE MONTHLY BILL, REALLY CAN BE A HEADACHE.

WHAHAHA..

MUM ASKED ME TO THINK TWICE... AT FIRST SHE AGREED TO ME GETTING THE IPHONE, BUT AFTER I TOLD HER THAT THE MONTHLY SUB WILL BE $64...SHE GOT A SHOCK...ASKING IF IM ABLE TO HANDLE IT...WELL, I SHLD BE OKAY SINCE CURRENTLY MY MONTHLY BILL I WILL NEED TO PAY $55+/-

I LOOKED THROUGH OTHER PHONES, AND I CANT DECIDE WHAT OTHER PHONE I CAN BUY...DEN I SAW BB PHONES... BUT DEN THE BB PHONE,U WILL NEED TO GET THEIR BB DATA PLAN WHICH IS $13.95 PLUS THE MONTHLY SUB $30, SO TOTAL WILL BE $43...WHICH IS $20 LESSER THAN THE MONTHLY IF I WERE TO GET IPHONE... BUT AGAIN, THE DATA USAGE FOR IPHONE IS 12GB AS COMPARED TO BB WHICH IS ONLY 1GB... THERE AGAIN, I CANT MAKE A CHOICE. PLUS BB LOOKS LIKE E63 WHICH IM USING NOW.....

AIYO.. I DUN NOE WHAT TO GET...
DEN I SAW E72...WHICH WAS THE INITIAL PHONE I WANTED TO GET....AND AGAIN...ITS JUST LIKE E63 JUST THAT THE FUNCTION AND EVERYTHHING WILL BE MUCH MORE BETTER DEN E63...

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GET A HP...
SO HOW...

IRRITATING LEH...
EXAMS AROUND THE CORNER, I STILL GOT TIME TO THINK OF ALL THESE BO LIAO THINGS..
HAIZ..

STUPID ME!!!!

2010-02-27T11:06:00.003+08:00

#451

No time... No more time!!! Its suck la! I have yet to start my revision, freaking irritating.

Why do i tend to feel so sleepy especially coming to exams' period. I cant even tahan till 2am or latest 3am which most of the days im doing it. For the past 2 days, i have been sleeping at 8pm or even earlier than 12mn which was just so not me.

I took out my econs notes.Well... HAHAHA..I dont even know how to start off, everything just so alien to me.Though i had studied econs before, but econs is always a dead module for me. In fact, every modules are DEAD modules for me, cos im not a smart or studious person at all. Im not those type who can study. After so many years, i went back to books was purely because im being influenced by peers and also i wan to wear the graduation robe. During my times in poly, they still havent implement this thing. & most importantly, i wan to take a family protrait again, with me, my elder brother and his wife.

I really hate this period. I dont know how to plan my timetable and also which day to take leave to study. 16th Mar will be my 1st paper, for this date, i will come back to work as usual after my paper, as for the 3 other papers which will be on 22nd, 24th & 26th...i don know if im going to take leave in between. Headache la!

I have to stop my cafe world and city life ... *sad*
Im thinking whether i shld stop working as full time and work as part time instead for the next 2yrs.
I really find it hard to juggle work and school...at least for me...im not that clever to do these 2 things well at the same time.
Or maybe i shld just stay at home . . . or convert to full time in studies (which is so impossible!)

2 more years, i will be completely out of this PLACE!!! I just cant wait for it...

I cant wait for the arrival of June... i Cant wait for my taiwan trip... i cant wait for my surprise from him!!! (: i cant wait for my new bag to arrive...

TML!!! im going to decide whether to get new hp or not...PRAY HARD, i will make a decision and not being wishy washy...

1hr30mins more to off work...need to do my dad's account by today if not have to wait for month end...March will end real soon...
I hope i can pass my exams...last sems for yr1!!!
My 1/4 leg is stepping into yr2 of my honors!!!
I promise im going to study real hard for my yr2 & 3..I wan to obtain at least 2nd Upper...(crossed fingers)

I need to find a new JOB too with higher pay...
I want to buy new watch/bag at least once a month...

My Wish List....

Bags:
Agnes B,Burberry,Coach,Gucci,Kate Spade
Next : LongChamp, DKNY

Watches:
2Adidas,3Casio,1DKNY,1Esprit,1Guess,1G-Shock,1Puma,1Vagary
Next : FCUK,pending...

Misc:
Coach - KeyHolder,CoinPouch,Wallet,Wristlet,Hp Chain.
LV - Card Holder
Gucci - Wallet, Lanyard
Next : Coach Passport Holder, Agnes B Bag Charm

Others:
Toshiba laptop,Acer Laptop,SE k800i,F480i,E63
Next : Acer NetBook, New Hp!!

2010-02-25T09:46:00.008+08:00

#450

It has been a long time since i posted pictures, though some of the pictures were taken ages ago. . . Well, these are some pictures I found in my phone. . .

I dont like Nokia Phone especially the camera. I would prefer my cybershot k800i, even its only 3.2mp, but the images are clear & sharp.

Next, im still thinking whether to get new hp.I have to decide before 11th March...
Iphone ... should i get you...beside being able to go online everywhere and anytime, i dont see a need in getting it since my itouch is nearly the same as iphone.
But again, beside Iphone, i dont know what other hp i can buy. BB was initially what i wanted to buy, but after some thinking, i dropped the idea.Basically the hp is more for business use.So,well and also not many of my friends using BB. If not i can BB msg them.

Next, i would like to get a NetBook. Saw 1 from Acer. Nearly going to get it on monday...but was hesitating. Again, this is just so me. Whenever the thing is getting near to me, i will step back. & somemore, Mummy is buying for me.
I had laptop but the laptop doesnt seems to belong to me, that stupid Eric keep hogging on it as if it belongs to him, make me so frustrated that i wanted to get 1 netbook at the same time i can bring to office and play my cafe world. Whaha..

This Sat working till 1pm...Evening time, need to work for my dad. I hate doing those accounts.
Sunday going to TPY for facial. Guess my beautician is going to 'kill' me... Suddenly so many pimples popping out. My tears will be free-flow too :..( *sobsob*

Counting down to Exam : 19Days.
Well done, i haven even start any revision!!! God bless Me!!!

Here are the pictures...

LL & FJ
FJ & Nat & LL
I miss working tgt with them. Best Colleagues! <3>

LL & Nat

LL with long perm hair on 2nd Day of CNY

1st time doing Lantern using Red Packets.

James & LL Selvin & LL

LL & PS

LL & PS (super long nv take pic tgt)

LL's new nail colour. . .

Chocolates from RM

LL & PS's Coach Collection
Missing from Pic : Wristlet,Wallet, Hp Chain,Card Holder
LL !!
lastly, floppy... If only i can bring him to work. Guess i won be so sianz ...
he's simply too cute to resist....

2010-02-22T12:21:00.000+08:00

#449

I am just so freaking not in mood. I don’t even feel like talking since morning, the number of sentences that I actually spoke was like less than 15?
Reached super early this morning, which was like 7:40am?
As I won’t be having my lunch today, so went to canteen to get my breakfast.
Yesterday went to my elder uncle house for the annual praying. Started at 1130pm and it ended at 1plus am.

22 days to exams! That’s 3weeks time. 4 modules in 3 weeks. How to divide it proportional? I have yet to start any module and I don’t know when will be the best time to start. Everyday is like fighting for time. Working every weekdays and alt sat, lectures one after another.3 days per week is not a good planning of timetable for part timers.

To squeeze 4 modules in 1 semester is too hectic especially in the early months of the year, with Chinese New Year falling so near to the exams. How to get one to start the revision?
I think I am getting more and more attitude. If I don’t like that person, I really don’t wish to talk or even look at the person. It’s now happening to me in my working place. I just don’t wish to see that person at all, so whenever there is chance for me to avoid, I will try to avoid. I think I would rather people say I am attitude rather than say I am fake. Sometimes it’s quite tiring as I will be seeing the person in the same working place often.

Saturday was fun especially after tutorial. PS & I Headed to DFS for servicing my card holder since I was told that time that it was under warranty. I went to the salesperson, but apparently, she dint ask me if my card holder was still under warranty and just passed my card holder to another salesperson who went in to cut away the loosen thread. Whatsoever, I am still okay with it at least I don need to leave the card holder with them. We had sakae sushi for dinner. I missed my salmon a lot!
After dinner, we went to River Hongbao at Marina. We took a lot of pictures of ourselves but after it’s only after many attempts, we managed to take 3-4 decent pictures. We had fun though tired and sticky. Kbox was impromptu. We booked a room K35, which was super deserted. We sang from 9plus pm all the way to 4am.

Well we continue our cam-whoring session. There was actually few times that I fallen asleep and 1 time I was actually fallen asleep while singing and to think that PS dint even notice it. We were all exhausted and we took the night rider bus home. It took me 1hr plus abit to reach home. I love long journey because I can sleep in the bus. It was so nice that the bus stopped at the bus stop opposite my house. Reached home at 5plus am. It is freaking long since I sang for so many hours.

We are going to plan something after our paper which falls on 26th March.
Meantime, I guess I have to tolerate.

2010-02-18T11:12:00.000+08:00

#448

So sudden, i feel so outcast.
Seems like they dont need me anymore. & its the 1st time im actually having this fear in this place.

Do I really care so much how they think of me?

Im not in a good mood recently and yet I cant show it to people. Forcing a smile is a tedious thing to do and it make me look so fake. I dont wish to but i don want to show my moody side to people.

I hate it whenever people take me for granted. & treat me transparent as if they dont know me at all. This is so so so sickening.

I DON WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE NOW!
I HATE THIS PLACE AND EVERYONE!

I NEED TO LEAVE . . .

2010-02-17T11:50:00.002+08:00

#447
Countdown

COUNTDOWN.. .. . .. ....
TO MY LAST DAY....

HAHAHA~

2010-02-12T09:28:00.002+08:00

#446

.jιяo.ĸιм вuм.ĸєи.

[[soмєoиє ιgиoяιиg мє]]

every setback offers an equivalent benefit if we took time to search for it

And what if I never kiss your lips again
Or feel the touch of your sweet embrace
How would I ever go on
Without you there's no place to belong
Well someday love is gonna lead you back to me
But 'til it does I'll have an empty heart
So I'll just have to believe
Somewhere out there you thinking of me

Until the day I'll let you go
Until we say our next hello
It's not goodbye
'Til I see you again
I'll be right here rememberin' when
And if time is on our side
There will be no tears to cry
On down the road
There is one thing I can't deny
It's not goodbye

You'd think I'd be strong enough to make it through
And rise above when the rain falls down
But it's so hard to be strong
When you've been missin' somebody so long
It's just a matter of time I'm sure
But time takes time and I can't hold on
So won't you try as hard as you can
To put my broken heart together again

Even though its been so long, my love for you keeps going strong
I remember the things that we used to do, a kiss in the rain
Til' the sun shined through, I'd try to deny it, but I'm still in love with you

I miss you like crazy, ever since you went away
Every hour of every day, I miss you like crazy

No matter what I say or do, there's just no getting over you
I can see the love shining in your eyes, and it comes as such a sweet surprise
If seeing's believing its worth the wait, so hold me and tell me its not too late
We're so good together, we're starting forever now, And I miss you like crazy

2010-02-10T17:17:00.003+08:00

#445

I hate to know that my blog still exist, it will only allows me to come here often and blog.
I dont really like to blog, cos whenever i blog, means there are things i wanted to say but find no one to confide in. . . in other words, IM EMO NOW. . .

I hate this kind of feeling whereby you just went SAD out of no Reason, and nothing seems to be able to brighten me up at all. Well, why must I always feel so emo...Is it always happen to all Cancerians.
There are so many decisions i ought to make, but i just refuse to accept the fact and run away from reality. I hate growing up, all problems seems to come to you once you reach certain age.
Why just cant adulthood be more carefree like when you are youger? Why must people make it so complicated and a chore for people to handle. I just dont understand adulthood or I choose not to understand it.

Life is short and yet people are making it so miserable.
Sometimes i just wonder, why must i follow how other people think or do and not having a mind of my own? Why must i be so easily affected by others and care about other feelings when people dont even care 'bout my feelings?
Why must i be so helpful to certain people when i know that they are just making use of me?
Why just cant i act nonchalant and be more mean to people who doesnt even deserve any help from me?

Im just so tired to care so much things when i cant even handle my own stuffs.
Who will help me when i need help? Who will care? Who will be there when i need someone?

Where are there so many hypocrites around?
Who am i suppose to trust?
Why only remember me when they need help from me?
Why?
I had enough and always tell myself, dont trust anyone.

sometimes i just need a shoulder, a listening ear . . .
im tired.
i had so many troubles, but who can i talk to ?
Will they understand? Will they care?

Thanks to you, for the hug. . . that i missed so much.
if only i can turn back time.

Testing

2010-02-10T08:55:00.000+08:00

Haha.. I'm just trying out...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-02-07T16:44:00.003+08:00

#443

exactly 1mth away from my previous entry.

for the past 1mth. things happened. be it sad or happy...

recall back...

1. gotten back my results.
2. joccy 21st bday
3. office politics
4. hypocrites
5. met up with him
6. SAN - we got 2nd Prize
7. still office stuffs.
8. OFFICE STUFFS!!!!

well happy times don't seem to last longer than sad moments.

for the past 1mth, i seem to encounter alot.Well, a lot of unhappy stuffs. Working stuffs to be exact i would say.
It let me see how cruel the working life is and how ungentlemanly a guy can be. In-front of you, he may appear to be like this, but behind the door, you can never imagine the behavior that the person can portray out.

It also teaches me what to say and what not to say to certain people. Well, humans are selfish. I strongly agree. Some Humans cant be trusted, i begin to believe that as well. The only person whom you can truly trust, im afraid will only be yourself.

I seriously hate myself for being unable to keep everything to myself. Tend to say out everything once anger got into me. This is the lesson I ought to learn.

Someone did tell me, not to tell everything to this person. I don't know whom I should trust or whom I shouldn't trust. To me, now i learnt a lesson. DON'T TELL ANYONE ANYTHING ANYMORE.

TELL MY MUM is the best I guess, though she may not know the whole story to it, but at least someone is there to listen to me.

Never did I expect to feel so ANGRY to the extend that i actually feel like crying out in the office. I fought back my tears. I told myself not to give any comments during the conversation involving him. I act dumb, they noticed it. I told them I am just purely tired. I looked away, not to have any eye contact with any of them. My tears were just so stubborn to come out. Once again, i fought back.

My colleagues are nice.
I am glad to have as my colleagues and friends.

I am glad that my darling came to talk to me even though he came up to look for my snr. exec.
He dint say much, but just joking around with me. This simple gesture just make me smile, and i am happy. . . :)

Not forgetting my snr exec and officer, their help that they rendered, helped me a lot.
At that moment, I just felt being loved by them.

With so many things happened recently, there are 2 occasions, that i actually wanted to tender.
I was contradicted as I don't wish to leave this place cos i love my department, and i don't wish to leave this place just because this particular person. On the other hand, I really had enough. Having a reluctant feeling to come to office every morning. I am stressed over this. But I keep telling myself to be objective.
I stay on...

till the recent incident happened .... i sort of making up my mind that I should not stay longer.
They told me to tolerate since he is leaving soon. & again im confused again.

Just few more days and i will never get to see this person again!
I must tolerate.

Thanks to my colleagues. I may not say anything to you guys, but seriously deep in my heart. I appreciate all the things you guys had helped me. THANKS!!!!

2010-01-07T15:06:00.005+08:00

#442

1mth plus since i wrote in...
Super lazy to pen down anything. . .

im receiving my exams results soon.(i estimate the timing...) & im sure im going for at least 1 supp paper, B.Law even though how much i hope i can pass cos the thought of having supp paper this sems really drives me crazy.
4 modules. All theory based. Argghh.

im going to start my blaw revision soon, so when the exam date comes, i will be confident to get it thr.
*i hope i keep to my promise*

everything still remains the same for me.im still that emo and sensitive..well..

as for office . . . nothing much..nothing to say. I shall keep everything to myself and not here.

Staff Night!!!
im required to participate . . . *shit!*
Lets pray hard that we will flunk the re-re audition tml!!!

My New Year Resolution :
1. To shed away all unnecessary stuffs on me.
2. To get my books closer to me.

My Current Wish List :
1. Ali Signature Large Hobo
2. LongChamp Bag
3. E72
4. Acer/Lenovo NetBook
5. Mouse & Thumbdrive

. . .
im.missing.secondary.school.life.alot.
im.missing.school.life.but.not.MDIS.

my stomach hasnt been feeling that good since morning.Sianz.
later i have rehersal or pratice later which really spoil my mood.
what to do. . .

2009-11-28T23:26:00.002+08:00

#441

I was packing my room and i found these pictures i took last time...

Why i look so different now...
OMG!

I aged so much!

Stupid~

Anyway, now my room is dust-free..

at least for today..

Yeah!

I bought a new blue cardigan from Zara today...

Ho ho Ho..

Im being bo liao

2009-11-28T13:51:00.002+08:00

#440

I'm super bored! I'm waiting for Kenneth to wake up so I can pack my room!!!

I have been rotting since 10am.. Haiz.. Super super duper sianz!

I have a list of things that I want to buy

1. A new Hi-Fi that allows me to insert my itouch to it
2. A new netbook.
3. A new hp. I'm stuck between BB,E72 and Iphone
4. A new bed. Queen or super single doesn't matter
5. A new wardrode

I want to throw

1. My bed
2. My study table
3. My wardrode

I'm practically so sian

I want to do

1. Curl my hair
2. Rebond my hair
3. Watch New Moon

that's all for now...

5th - BBQ
6th - Anim wedding
7th - New Semester
11th - Chalet
14th - Back from chalet
25th - Xmas
26th - BG rom solemenization

and now I wan to go shopping!!!

2009-11-23T23:02:00.004+08:00

#439

finally tml will be my last paper...
I really regret not studying well or properly for my econs and law paper...
I'm prepared for the supp paper but still I'm not feeling good and very sad.

No one seems to understand how I feel... And I don't know how to express myself to them.
I'm tired!

FOA 2 paper tml, I'm trying my best to keep doing the tutorial qns but at the same time I'm afraid that the questions tml will be very different from the tutorial qns.
I'm really going crazy. This sems seems to keep me busy from studies. I couldn't concentrate and I'm not in any mood to prepare myself for the exams at all.
Well, I told them... No one believes. They thought I'm okay and will be fine... The fact is I'm not okay at all! I can say since the start of this sems, I seriously don know what's going on. Beside the things that had happened, and most of the time in class, I was like wandering around... And the stress I have got in office recently....

I have alot of stuffs I need to do and prepare for my new boss.
I miss Raymond.. Haiz

no one is giving me stress but I'm giving myself stress...
Everyone hopes I can do well or I will do well, but I can't.. I don want to disappoint them but I really can't get myself to settle down and study without thinking of the office work and him.

I wan to win but I only know how to say but no action from me at all.
I tried my best to do during exam... But everything just gone when I saw the paper.. At that moment I know it was a gone case for me. My mind went blank.
I tried my best to squeeze whatever I can but nothing comes out....

I told them, I can't... But they said, there shouldn't be any problem for me.
No ones believes what I said and thought that I'm fake when I said I sure fail... Just becos I passed all in first sems?

I'm really tired... I'm not that clever or steady as what people had thought of...
This sems, I died!
It's going to be a tough one for me next sems...
With 4 modules and the supp papers... I don know how am I going to deal with it

humans are selfish creatures...
So in order to protect urself, u ought to be selfish...
I'm going to be selfish....

Wish me all the best for tml...
I really hope I can excel for tml...

2009-11-12T20:16:00.002+08:00

#437

7more days to my 2nd sems exam!!!

Well, I'm not well prepared at all infact not even prepared!
I'm drained during work!

I dread of going to work now... Maybe phobia. There are 2 times I actually wanted to tender. This actually the first time I'm losing my cool...
Well, I just hope everything will be over fast. My exams over. Everything over.

Exams don't seem to be in my mind at all! I can't concentrate on studies and put myself to revision. I was extreme tired everyday after work. Having headache and can't even tahan till 1am, I will definitely fall asleep. I'm not doing any reading at night even though I tell myself i have to.

I really have the urge of quitting my work and study full time... But there are times I really can't get myself to quit the job.
I don Noe what to do....

It's super irritating and frustrating... Having so many problems going on during this period. A big challenge for me....

I'm missing him... Alot and alot...
He simply occupying my mind constantly, but how do I tell him??
(:

2009-10-31T20:38:00.002+08:00

#436

我知道你还是爱我
虽然分开的理由
我们都已接
你知道我会有多难过
所以即使道最后
还微笑着要我加油
我知道你还放不下我
才会往离开时
闭着眼没会头
我们都知道彼此心中
其实着份爱没停过
答应你我会好好过
不让这些眼泪白流。。。

I'm stuck in my revision，nothing seems to go in and I can't understand a single thing. This is so serious...
How am I going to take exam in this situation!?

Sucks. My ankle hurts again.. Damn it!
I wan to do alot of things but studying for exams doesn't seem to be on the list.. I need a place with nothing that can't tempt me... My house is definitely no no place for me.

Library seems to ve crowded and noisy!
Where else???

I need to rent a room at pasir ris to lock myself inside and study...
I hate exams!!!

Please bless me.. I really don want to retake..

2009-10-27T23:57:00.004+08:00

#435

OKAY.IM VAIN. HAHA.

THAT JL SUDDENLY ASK ME TO MAKE UP FOR HIM TO SEE..KINDA OF WEIRD LA.

HE ASKING ME TO MEET HIM UP THIS WEEK, ANY DAY AFTER MY LESSON.... I TOLD HIM FRIDAY, BUT FRIDAY NO LESSON. HAHA. AND I DIN KNOW.
BUT I HAD MADE PLAN FOR MY FRIDAY.
MJ'S THIS IT IS...

22DAYS MORE TO EXAMS...AND IM STILL FARMING AND COOKING IN FB. CANT YOU IMAGINE..

WHO THE HELL CREATE THIS GAME...IM SO ADDICTTED TO IT NOW
GOSH...

YTD DINT GO TO WORK COS WASNT FEELING THAT WELL...SO WAS RESTING AT HOME.

I ACTUALLY WOKE UP AT 6AM..DEN BACK TO SLEEP ALL THE WAY TILL 10PLUS.
BUT THE ACTUAL TIMING I ACTUALLY GOT MYSELF OUT OF BED WAS ARD 1 PLUS. HELPED MY DAD WITH HIS GST AND HE BOUGHT LUNCH FOR ME AS RETURN. HAHA.

LUCKILY. COS IM SUPER DUPER HUNGRY...
HAD LUNCH AS WELL AS WATCHING ANY SHOWS I CAN FIND ...
WATCHED JIA HAO YUE YUAN...
DEN I GOT A MISSED CALL FROM MY COLLEAGUE. ASKING ME SOME PASSWORD FOR THE SYSTEM.

I GAVE HIM..BUT WAS WRONG. LOL!!
DEN IM ABIT PANIC..SO I WENT TO BATHE AND GOT MYSELF A CAB AND CHIONG ALL THE WAY TO UC.

515 REACHED OFFICE..LOOKING AROUND FOR THE PASSWORD THAT I REMEMBER I WROTE DOWN SOMEWHERE..BUT COULDNT FIND..

IN THE END, MY COLLEAGUE HACK THE PASSWORD.
DURING THE JOURNEY TO UC, MY HEAD WAS LIKE SO PAIN AND I FELT LIKE VOMITTING.

AFTER THAT 545, I WENT TO TAKE BUS TO DG FOR MY EVENING LESSON. MY HEAD STILL HAVING PAIN AND I TRIED TO SLEEP BUT I CANT.
THE FEELINGS JUST SIMPLY SUCKS!

REACHED CLASSROOM, I WENT CONCUSS.

NOT FEELING WELL AS WELL AS NOT HAPPY COS SOMETHING WAS WRONG.
WELL, I DONT KNOW HOW TO SAY, BUT START TO THINK OF THE CONVERSATION I HAD WITH WENDY AND JOJO AT THE GRAFFITIC CAFE...

HAD A FUNNY ENCOUNTER DURING THE BREAK TIME. THIS CLASSMATE OF MINE CAME TO ME AND TALKED TO ME. ASKING ME WHY AM I SO QUIET. HAHA..DEN HE TRIED TO BREAK THE ICE BY INTRODUCING HIMSELF TO (HAND SHAKE SOMEMORE). HE IS FUNNY AND FRIENDLY.I WAN TO MIGRATE TO THEIR GROUP...MAYBE I WILL BE HAPPIER~

ANYWAY, IM NOT GOING TO THINK ALL THE UNHAPPY THINGS. AS IT WILL ONLY MAKE ME MORE UNHAPPY... IM GOING TO IGNORE EVERYTHING AT LEAST FOR NOW.

EVEN 1 DAY, THERE ISNT ANYONE THERE FOR ME, I KNOW MY COUSINS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME...WHENEVER I NEED THEM....

LOVE EM ALL

2009-10-24T19:14:00.010+08:00

#434

I just checked my email...

I know im petty and i shouldnt care or even bother so much.
If she is more important, than thats be it. I shouldnt care so much and let it affect me.
I know something must have happened, but i just dont want to ask... afraid to know.
Since he wants to hide, and i should act blur too.
Cos i really dont wish to bother it anymore.
Im TIRED.

but i really cant make myself not to think about it. WTF la
why must i get to know this at this kind of timing.
My head hurts now.

Why am i doing so much and not being appreciated?
Why must i keep thinking what i should do for him?
Why must i always be so sad cos of him?
WHY? WHY? WHY?
Why my mind is always him him him him & HIM?
Why am i being controlled by him?
Why my emotional is being affected by him?
WHY? WHY? WHY?

I keep telling myself, dont think and dont think and dont think...
Why just cant my mind be obedient?
Why should i care so much about him?

Me doing so much and she not doing anything, in the end, she is always the one who comes to your mind first.

Im just so tired . . .
im tired ... and im helpless...
i dont wish to do anything or bother anything or care anything.
ANYTHING ABOUT HIM IS NON OF MY BUSINESS NOW.
I WAN TO GET HIM OUT OF MY LIFE.

Im sick of doing so many things that make me so fake.
I hate myself to be so happy whenever i tell 'Asshole' about him.
I hate that he can actually make me so go happy and sad.
I hate that i actually did so much for him.

Well, i should get on with my life and stop disturbing him anymore.

Say me crazy or whatever you like.
this is me.

suddenly alot of things came into my mind.
picturing of them going out tgt.
i hate this.
there is fear and my tears are fighting to come out.
i dont want.
im afraid.

Today after work, i walked to the guard house to do something before i left the Campus. I saw this colleague of mine from other department sitting outside waiting for the shuttle bus.

He : How come you walked out of the guard house?
Me : Cos i walked in from there and out from here.
He : Waiting for bus also
Me : nope, im walking to station, you waiting for bus huh?
He : Ya.

*very funny, we just started talking like that, and he just accompanied me to station...*
so we were talking and talking...

at the zebra crossing, when we about to cross, there was this taxi who was so engrossed on the other side of the road and missed to see there is actually a zebra crossing, and sway sway, me and him was crossing the road. & even more sway, i nearly got hit down if he din sudden brake.
He scolded the driver... i found it funny more than scared cos before we were crossing the road, he was actually telling me he has changed alot... and has nearly 1.5yrs since he last scolded valguar language, but he actually nearly scolded valguarity at the driver.

I laughed at him.But he was still telling me about the driver. Saying he would have asked the driver to come down and talked.
HaHaHa....
then he told me, just now i dont know whether i should scold the driver or pull you away.
I kept on laughing, cos the way he said, was damn funny.
He is a funny guy.

met up with dap to settle our lunch and do some mini shopping.
I need to get hp pouch, earphone, heels...
but i cant get any in the end...

went to anim house to get his wedding invitation card.
he is cute and i miss him alot! :)

walked back to dap house while me continue walking to the bus stop back to my house.
the weather is scary hot. and im tired.
yet to fully recover from my body aching...

& now im doing my dad's account as well as blogging...
im not happy today!

2009-10-23T11:59:00.003+08:00

#433

Confirmed & guarantee CHOPPED!
It’s his last day today! Don’t know but feel sad and sian.

I went to his department today, a place where I seldom go cause it’s so out of place, but I actually went after getting a call from his colleague regarding about keys. This is so unlike me, normally I will take my own sweet time to find the key and ask the person to collect it from me instead of me going down to the department.

I passed him 2 papers to sign. 1 for him to sign out and 1 for his replacement to sign in.He din get my message, so I went back to him after attending to other colleague, and told him that he has to help me signed the forms and gave back to me.

So that how our mini and short formal conversation started. It’s really very formal kind of conversation. He passed me the handover form to sign. He told me he doesn’t drive so he doesn’t have season parking. I dint reply him but just nodded my head. I should reply him, Oh okay. I’m always so rude and not knowing what to do or say especially when facing the one whom I think it cute and have good impression. No. I don’t like him, but I really find him a nice and cute guy! HAHA. I wanted to photocopy after I signed, but the copier was busy photocopying something, so I asked him to photocopy for me and passed it to me later. He asked me whether he needs to photocopy 2 sides or 1 side. I told him 1 side. After that I regretted, I should have asked him to photocopy 2 sides, as the other side has his particulars. So I went back office, called him and told him I need 2 sides. :P I’m cheeky. Ha Ha.

No more chances to see him in the campus. This is just so sad. 2mths. I rarely talk to him.

1st time – his 1st day, he came up to get his access card and keys, but I wasn’t around, so my colleague attended to him. He emailed me asking for his cabinet keys and wastebin. So, I replied back and he came up to take. He’s nice, cos he offered to come up and take when I told him I will pass to him later.
2nd time – after our English exam paper. He came out before the paper ends.
3rd time – he came to my department, wanting to borrow ladder, and when he knew that my department was having meeting that time (I dint attend), he was so paisey and talked so softly to me. That time, he was standing super close to me. 1cm or even lesser away from me.
4th time – which is also the last time. I asked him to sign the forms. NO MORE LIAO. All the best to him (:

I started to show symptoms of stress. That is keep wanting to eat. I went to giant on Tuesday night with Daphne. We bought a lot of junk food as if it was free. We spent $16+ each on tidbits. Crazy! I bought 1 mayonnaise flavor, 1 hot and spicy, 1 BBQ cheesy, 1 cheesy cheddar, 1 spicy fish don’t know what, 1 loaf of soft grain wholemeal bread, 1 tin of Tuna Mayonnaise. That loaf of bread together with the tuna mayonnaise is for my breakfast, so every morning when I reach office; I will spread the tuna on the bread. My officer hates the smell of the tuna, so I will purposely eat the tuna infront of him. Haha.

Now then I realize that what my favorite foods are.
PASTA / SPAGETTIC – must be in cheesy.
SUSHI
SALMON
FISH – tuna, sardine, etc…
BEAN SPROUTS
POTATO
EGG – steamed, fried, half boiled
I LOVE THE POTATO TORNADO and the FRIED CHICKEN with mayo & chili from TAKA
OYSTER MEE SUA but I don’t like oyster.

I prefer noodle more to rice. (:im hungry now. I want to go Tung Luk lunch buffet! I want to whack the chili crab & the salmon.
After Exams, im going to enjoy myself for that pathetic 1 week break.K singing at Iluma or Safra ; Slacking at Marina Barrage ; Eating at Ma Mansion (bugis or central) ; chilling at Ben & Jerry @ Dempsey or Timbre.

Monday – Ma Mansion
Tuesday – pending…
Wednesday – Timbre / Dempsey
Thursday – pending…
Friday – Safra
Saturday – Marina Barrage / Iluma / Henderson Waves…
Sunday – Tung Luk Lunch / REST for work and School.
As if I will really follow my plan~ Ha Ha…

But before exams start, I want to watch movies! 1. Micheal Jackson – This Is It.
2. Halloween 2
3. Darah
4. Pandorum
5. The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Can I skip my exams? Cos I really have lots of things to do. I need to watch 5 movies and 5 places to go. Where got time for exams? HAHA.I still want to go ZOO. I am sure I will be able to find people to go with me! Haha

“When I see your smile, I know that’s not for me. That’s when I know I miss you”

2009-10-22T09:55:00.004+08:00

#432

The weather was horrible, terrible hot and i was under the sun for 15mins, walking from MDIS to Tea Garden.It was terrible hot and hot and hot.

Why am i always so tired these days?
Yesterday i missed my station again. This was the 4th time i missed my bus stop and station...
Alighted at Pioneer Mall, still have to walk 5-8mins to the bus stop to wait for my bus in order for me to reach home.

I was super blur! & I dont know whats going on too.
My head hurts alot and my bag was heavy. I bought back my lecture notes that i left it in my office.
Went to food court to look for my family to have dinner.
Im hungry and my stomach hurt too. I could feel the acute pain around my stomach there.
After i bathed, i lied down flat on the floor. As the pain was killing me. I sat up and lied down, but everything seems to be wrong.

I went online for awhile. with less than 30mins,i went offline.
I fell asleep but eventually woke up to watch my show. I missed my 12mn show.
i was lying on my bed from 10plus all the way till 1am plus i woke up.
i thought i forget to do something.
i dreamt. A group of friends from sec sch and the special someone in it.
The dream was weird. He knows my sec sch friends. twC isnt there in the dream.
i continued sleeping ...
Dreams are always so different from reality.

I was feeling so grumpy this morning. i 'scolded' jie for not folding his bed. I took the same bus as him, but we dint talk. He was walking behind me all the way to the train and still we dint talk. There wasnt any empty seats for me. I was extreme sleepy and tired. My whole body is cracking and aching. I took a short nap on my journey to cmonwealth.

My stomach hurt again. & i really dont feel like going to school later. I want to rest at home. But i hate to tell them why i absent myself from work.
I need a quiet place to settle myself down for serious revision. My room is too tempting for me to slack rather than study.
28 more days to 1st paper, and i have yet to touch any books. This isnt the right way! Worst still, i might need to be back in office on 12 & 13 Nov for the external audit. Cool right. 4 audit in 1 yr.

i seem to be more troubled this sems as compared to last sems. there are alot of things in my mind, and studying isnt in my TO DO LIST at all. I dont feel any pressure as compared to last sems. This sems, im wasting my time to school to slack and to make myself feeling so sad.
seriously, i dont feel happy at all. I realised alot of things. Friends arent that nice that you thought they are.

im glad that there is still someone who is there. that someone who is so so simple yet complicated to make my life goes happy and angry.
but it is always happy and funny more than angry and sad.
there are times i wanted to feel angry, but i dont know why, that anger doesnt last long. it will be over soon after that someone talks to me.
this is the 1st time i actually felt this way towards a person.even twC, i dont have this kind of feeling. A Simple yet Complicated kinda of feeling. I dont know how to tell that someone how exactly i feel cos i dont even know myself.
that someone's emotion can affect me somehow or rather.
It seems like im living for that someone's sack. HahaHa
I always think of what to get for that somone. *lol* sound so stupid.
shirt.watch.wallet.bag.aiyo everything also feel like getting for someone.
p/s: someone very different from other pple. u will never guess what he thinks.
i think im SIAO la!

My mickey mouse leaving soon... SAD. no more motivation to go to work liao~ HAHA
maybe its time for me to leave also >.<>

2009-10-20T16:17:00.005+08:00

#431

While sorting and re-write the notes i had learnt from my past 1yr at MDIS (for easier reference for the next person taking over me), i realised in that note book of mine, i actually wrote down a list of things i wanted to buy...

There are 10 items in total :

~~iTouch~~ $388
~~Cardholder~~ $300
~~Agnes B Bag~~ $170
~~Kate Spage Bag~~ $320
~~Burberry Bag~~ $390
Vagary Watch $260
LongChamp Bag $240
~~Coach~~ ~$300
~~Coin Holder~~ ~$100
~~Key Holder~~ ~$150

Left 2 more items. . .
but instead of reducing it...
i have more to add on.

1. Handphone
2. Agnes B Bag Charm
3. Lanyard

I found these 2 pages which i wrote last year. OMG. It was so wordy. Haha. Its all bout twC stuffs...

This shows what. I miss him alot last time. Haha
Anyway, i still hate school~
1 day less than a month to my 1st paper and im still slacking around. WONDERFUL GURL IM !

2009-10-19T13:34:00.005+08:00

#430

A Date With Them~

Saturday(Happy Diwali Day) . . .

got up from bed around 8plus thinking that i have to wake up for work. Dad called me twice to double confirm but both my answers to him were different.

1st : ya, im working. let me sleep awhile more
2nd : nope im not working
to be exact, is holiday. i need not have to report for work even im on working shift that day.

back to bed but got up again around 9plus to 10. getting myself ready as im meeting wendy & gg & evon(in the end, she overslept) to suntec to meet up with py to collect cake,marketing and lunch.

im the earliest to reach. (:
had bali thai for lunch, i had fried seafood kway tiao. its nice but in small portion. im hungry that time.
went to carrefore for marketing and i bought sushi and orange juice. collect the cake from Rive Gauche for jojo's bday.
from suntec back to clementi and back to jurong pt. to buy party hats.

party starts at 6plus. had buffet. i was crazy again. i had fun with my cousins. talking session will never be missed out. We chatted all the way till 11plus before we went back home.

im sure jojo had enjoyed much~!
welcome to itouch family~ haha
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back to friday. i couldnt really remember much. All i know was im not feeling great.

i smsed alot of people on my way home from DG. the journey was super long.
smsed wr,dap,evon,roderick,uu. (the nite i think and i can confirm i had over exceed the number of smses.) when i reached home, i continue my sms with anim.
(i havent pay my previous mth hp bills and im so so so lazy to do so)

seriously, i dont need your pity if your real intention wasnt to pity me. To people, you may l0ok or sound good, but to me. I dont feel so. I feel hurt infact. The things you said and the things you did. Make me feel so sick of you sometimes. Do i have a choice? Can i tell you? I think nope!
There are times you can be nice, but there are times the way you talk or the action you, dont give a thought to the people. To you, it may be funny, but have you ever put yourself in that person's shoes and think.
I dont deny that im evil in words. I do feel apologetic, and i will refrain myself from doing it.
Anyway, friends just friends. They may not be with you forever that you might think they will.
To me, everyone is just a normal friend. Best friend this word seems to be an alien word to me. I cant interpret the meaning to it nor i cant use this word on anyone whom i had seen or known.
Close friends, perhaps.
Im glad my cousins are always there when i need listening ear.
& also not forgeting the one who had played an important part in my life. Anim.
& one whom never fail to be there when i needed help. (ya, is U)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday - outing with SYNchronise
Venue : City Hall / Marina Square / Suntec
Time / Date : 1130 / Sunday 181o09

he was late. 10mins
the feeling was so weird though this wasnt the 1st time we went out together.
we dint talk as i was busy completing the game i had played earlier on while waiting for him.
after i completed the game,we talked,but i found it so unnatural. nvm

finally we reached marina. we headed straight to the cinema. got the tickets and off we went in. the time slot was early, so inside the theatre, there wasnt much people. Less than 10 including us.

alot of commercial as expected. we chatted but not much. so both of us were like statue sitting there. staring at the screen. *super dumb*

1230 finally it starts!
...watching movie in progress...
me started to feel very cold and cold till i wanted to get out of my seat to go outside and stand.

i bear with it and keep telling myself, it will be over soon. Eventually i couldnt take it, so i went out to the toilet to warm myself ...

he was nice to offer his jacket to me, but i insist not to take cos he was cold too.

i kept fidgeting around hoping to get the best position to sit or sleep. Having the urge to put my leg all the way up as im really too cold. Both my hands turned icy... I was shivering inside. I kept my hand to my mouth area(trying to keep my hand warm), he thought im scared to see the gross part of the movie. *he spied me twice, to make sure im awake and to see my reaction*(so nice of him huh)*
I wanted so much to ask him to move nearer to his right side, so i can lean on the right side of mine to allow my leg to stretch out and also a strong urge to snatch his jacket over or hide my hands underneath his jacket (since he just cover the jacket over him). That theatre is freaking cold. Next time if i ever go there again, i will bring my full gear. Haha.

After the movie, even more stylo! i was so cold till my mouth was shivering. Steady la!
but it got better after awhile.
walked around not knowing where to go and what to do.
from marina to suntec...and we settled our dinner at suntec de MOF. i liked the place alot cos no people. Haha.

I like the chicken ramen i had. Simple.
We ordered chicken ramen for me, 'dun noe what' for him, my favourite salmon & bean sprouts & 'gou tie'? . . .

Was super full and satisfied. Yet to know the price for the meal....
hmm..

took 502 home. Wao.1hr 15mins. i slept and woke up and slept and woke up..still hasnt reach my stop. from clear sky to dark sky. So long since i took 502 home from city hall

movie not that bad la. abit gross. and extreme cold.
overall, i enjoyed myself .. (:
THANK YOU!

Counting down : 1 mth to my 2nd Semster Exams...
No more farmville & Cafe World...(u think i can? Haha..I have doubts myself. HAah)

2009-10-16T09:52:00.005+08:00

#429

finally it has reached the last day of the week.& im happy cos tml is a public holiday & i need not have to report to work or school...

wef this week, my lesson will be 3 days per week instead of 2 days. This will make my week seems 'short' and 'fast'. 1 mth and 3 days to my 1st paper for 2nd SEMS. & i have yet to start my revision at all. With 2 modules of theory papers, i think it will be a gone case for me.Simply because i really dont understand Econs & Law at all. NOT AT ALL. They look so alien to me. All i know DD & SS for econs & many many case study for law.

Degree Law is so different from Poly Law. Poly Law, Case Law was given to us, with all the detail explaining the case. All i need was to memorise all the things(words by words) for each and individual case law and i can settle everything. & normally the questions are more straight forward.I think its going to be gone case for me for this SEMS. I cant afford to fail any modules this SEMS, cos the next SEMS there will be 4 modules! SO, please let me PASS.

Im having lesson later again at DG. Really hate going over to DG to have lesson, cos i will miss my bus. The waiting time will be like 20mins+ (like ytd). The next arrival bus will be 22mins~ *faint* So i took 111 instead and it only took me less than an hour to reach home. Though fast, but i will prefer to take my own bus, cos it will bring me all the way to the bus stop.

I was crazy over farmville and cafe world. I actually calculate the timing nicely, so the moment i reached home ytd, i on my laptop and take in the food i had cooked earlier on, and harvest the plants or collect anything that the animals can give me. So i was on FBing till 1am before i had my super late dinner cum supper and bathe.

I bathed around 1plus. that was crazy.
i watched hk drama from 2 to 245am and proceed to my own room to continue watching the recorded show but i fell asleep before i actually watch. Worse still, i dont know who off the TV for me. Never mind. Its all over.

I spring clean my workstation again infact not only me, all my colleagues's workstation was being cleaned. Now my workstation is free of dust. I managed to finish all the processing of invoices and POs and had it handed over to finance. Going to update the details before i can file everything in. Gosh, with the speed im going... Monday i will be damn free plus tomorrow is HOLIDAY and no one is working, so i won get too much works/stuffs to do.

Monday, my new snr mgr coming in. i was curious over his look and everything. His name has attracted me. Hopefully hes not very charming or what, else i will find it hard to communicate with him since im just directly under him. Haha~ Later i need to do access card for him.

Lunch was at Anchorpoint. Had KFC...super long never has KFC. Was full and satisfied. Shopped around at anchorpoint and i saw my MICKEY MOUSE (the nickname i had given to the cute guy in my workplace). He was standing alone waiting for his colleagues. . .

i cant wait for 545(off office) and 2145(off school)... i cant wait for tomorrow's arrival. Going Suntec... and the party at evening time. :)

p/s:
im getting confused slightly over my own feelings. Do i still care that much over him or i dont really care or im forcing myself not to care so much. She starting to talk to him and he talked to her. I avoid looking at both of them. Doing my own things. I hate this kind of situation whereby they start talking though I always tell him to start talking to her.
We dont really talk much about him talking to her or her talking to him or he so concern over her or whatsoever. Is it because im avoiding myself touching on that topic or because i dont see the need of talking on it anymore. I really dont know.
there are times i wanted to ask him but i stopped myself. inside me, i will telling myself, dont ask. and keep telling myself, there is nothing there is nothing.
nowadays, though we still msn each other, but the topic is like getting lesser and lesser. We can even talk on soccer.LOL..but i hate it when he goes into deep cos that is the time i cant talk back. Else everytime i will be talking back to him. Haha. Guess, we have to cut down on the times we msn each other. if not 1 day, we sure nothing to talk or even discuss.
Current topic we keep talking about how we hate our school. and how i hate going to class.

p/s/s: Talking about this class, this is the 1st time i actually feel no sense of belonging. I thought poly times were worse. but this time was WORST! i had little interaction or infact no interaction with any of my classmates.Is just very very normal classmates and we are like being forced to come together to study. Acquaintances? Strangers? I've no idea. I just wonder how am i going to tahan for the next 2.5yrs.

and also he mentioning to me that he wants to change job. why everyone is changing job, while im still standing firm at my current workplace? Im not ambitious at all. Everyone is using Iphone and hes getting 1 soon. Peisi also using Iphone. They will be using the same phone soon... Will it really affect me when i see them with the same phone? Ermm...i dont know leh.*i want BB* :)

Gosh, as i was typing this entry of mine, my stomach starts to feel pain again. Sad, theres really something wrong with my stomach. ):
today im wearing something like maternality wear. i wonder whether there will people letting up his/her seat for me later. :/

i can predict that kor isnt coming to fetch me home today, since he isnt feeling that well since last night. Luckily i found a earphone (mine died on me last night), at least i won be so sianz during the long journey.

p/s/s/s : i had mastered his skills of jumping topic to topic. so this entry seems to be abit luan.
now im lazy to do my work. i want to go home and sleep on my bed.
i have yet to do my FOA homework.Dint even peek at it.
i just hope that lesson will end early today, cos i dont want to miss my bus or having to wait 20+mins just for the bus. It will be better, if my brother can fetch me. Whahaha...

Suddenly remembered! we were talking about dears last night and i couldnt remember how we touched on this topic.
the number of my dears had decreased from 4 to 3. (cos jL is out)
he mentioned i should increase it, but i told him i dont want. mainly becos not easy to have a guy friend who can be close to you and listen to you and gives you advices and all the care and concern you are asking for.
he told me, he can give me advices too. but the problem is, he is the reason to why i need advices sometimes. so if i ask him, it will be super duper weird loh...
Anyway, by having those dears are not a game to what he always thought it is. Is just a name i have for my close guy friends. (he always thought it just a game,& that sentence, I DONT KNOW I NEVER PLAY BEFORE - is powerful enough to tell him...ITS NOT A GAME!!)

Miss Anim alot... Though we seldom chat or sms, but i still regard him as my closet guy friend cum deaRest who never fail to stand by my side when i needed him the most. The advices, the care and concern he has given and shown to me. I really appreciated it alot alot alot!
To Anim : Though we seldom msn or sms, but i really miss you alot and will never forget what you had done during my lowest peak. The advices, the counselling session, everything and everything you have given to me. I really appreciate it alot. You are always my best guy friend i ever known and i wish you and your wife happiness and blissful marriage. . .No worries that i will ever forget you. You are already imprinted in my heart. :)

Andrew - my flirt deaR
Weilun - the most funny one. thought im attached. Haha. and will never complain if i ever need his help. . .meeting up with him still pending and he never complain.. HaHa..my future Hubby. *LOL*

FINALLY, today is 16th oCt 09 - 1st Anniversary without him as an entry in my blog.

2009-10-12T23:53:00.003+08:00

#428

I'm glad I survive till the end of lesson despite having sever pain in my stomach...
Got letter from mdis management...
Today after lunch hour, start to feel uncomfortable... And I nearly miss my lesson today...

Ytd I spent alot at epic centre and I had a funny and angry encounter at there..
Haiz...
I'm super poor now with more and more items adding on to my wish list, how can I ever complete it??

Not feeling that well, brain isn't functioning well either...

我在学着慢慢地看开。。。
学着不再为你的事而难过。。。

2009-10-09T22:50:00.003+08:00

#427

today, out of sudden....

i feel so lonely and empty

its seems like no noe is here with me.

i was quiet for the whole day. . .

doing my stuffs. . .

i even prepared for the Audit that will take place on 10 & 11th Nov 09.

i din talk to my colleagues.

i was like frustrated more than anything.

i filed everything - invoices & POs.

even 'spring clean' old Card Access Form - by taking all resgined staffs' signed form out.

i deleted away all resigned staffs who used to have season parking access.

and also their door access & photocopier IDs.

i even checked through all the Equipment Loan Form - Make sure that everyone has returned all the equipments.

The only headache! The key forms.

Haiz!

* Thanks Wendy for coming down to Anchor Point to accompany me for lunch, else i will be eating ' wind' in the office.*

Tml working day for me.

I will be lonely again.

I had planned what to do for tml.

Processing of Invoices,POs,& create new access cards for new staffs.

tml after work has to rush to sch.

going cathy after school to have lunch and loiter around before going to ORchard Parade Hotel.

i have yet to do my accounts hw and dont have intention to do it.SIMPLY becos im too tired!

Aint feeling that well.

i think my stomach is 'Spoil' liao. Sometimes i happy i give it food, not happy, i dont give it food.

And now when its time to give it food, it start to give me pain.

Im lazy to pack my bag. im lazy to wrap nat's present. (haha! opps.sry), im lazy to think what bag to bring tomorrow. & im lazy to wake up tml for work. Haha..

OVERALL, IM NOT FEELING GOOD AT ALL.

IM JUST TOO TIRED TO THINK, TO DO AND TO SAY.

IM SICK OF WORK.SCHOOL & yet tml i have to work and study. . .

I DONT WANT TO DO ANYTHING NOW.
I HATE THE WAY THINGS GO.
ITS DEFINITELY NOT THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE.

2009-10-08T08:11:00.004+08:00

#426

Thanks FJ for her help. Everything went successful.

the 'slice of cake' & the cake were being given to SYNchronise ytd. Hope SYNchronise enjoyed his bDay ytd.
the surprise but not yet really a surprise. . .

ytd was still okay in office, nothing much happened and i enjoyed chit chatting with my department. we had fun.
We had formed a Power Ranger Property Department. 6 colour of rangers in total. & im the yellow ranger! :)
Captain Planet team : me will be the Wind.
& our technicians will form the Teletubbies Group.

Haha.im crazy.

Dinner with parents ytd. Mum insist me to try the clothes & she loves it and bought it for me. *well, my mum is always like that. Looking at the jewellery, if she likes that bracelet, she will ask me to try on, and she will buy it for me cos it looks nice on me.* Haha. Thats my mum, the cute side of her. Now seldom go SooKee to look at the jewellery.

I want to buy a T&C or Sawaroski necklace. . . (don noe if mum will buy for me) & 1 necklace from Chomel & Helen. Out of sudden, im attracted to jewellery. . .

Back home after dinner. I started doing the accounts, calling the accountant. Sorting out all the documents she wanted so she can help us with the Income Tax thingy.
From 7plus all the way to 10plus. we were all busy sorting everything properly. I was damn hot and tired and wasnt feeling that good too.

I saw his sms. He got a call from his mum. His sms to me was rather cold.& i 'scolded' him for being so not appreciative.Actually not his fault, all because im too frustrated doing all the accounts, so i 'scolded' him for nothing. Haha. iM siao! very siao!

Cancer & Libra arent meant to be together. * that slice of cake doesnt really mean anything too. . .cos it isnt important anymore after that sat. . .

was extreme tired after sorting everything. bathe and back to my room to watch tv. so tired that i nearly fell asleep while msning with wendy.
Friday i will be super lonely in office. no one to talk to, and no one to lunch with. *sianzation*

wendy is nice to meet me for lunch after my sat lesson as i have 3hrs15mins to slack before going to Nat's bday party. I have yet to find the way to Orchard Parade Hotel.
Sat going to be a whole day event for me.
830 - 100 : working
130 - 245 : lesson
245 - 600 : slacking
600 - xxx : party

Agenda
1. ~~FJ bDay present~~ - settled
2. ~~Nat bDay present~~ - settled
3. ~~Sam's farewell gift~~ - settled
4..~~JoJo's bDay present~~ - settled
5. Peisi's bDay present - still pending

My Wish List
1. ~~Coach bag~~ - settled
2. Hp - long wait
3. Vagary - still waiting
4. bag charm - considering
5. LongChamp - thinking, cos i just want to make up to 5 different bags per week

Luckily he managed to blow and eat his cake with his mum before 12mn. :)
hope he likes the cake and that 'slice of cake' too.

iM tired and iM sort of having flu. Getting confused whether its normal flu or sinus.
now i had mastered the skill of taking a short nap during travelling time. be it 5-10mins journey or 10-15mins of journey, with me either standing or sitting down, i sure can take a short nap.
there are 2 times, i actually missed my stop.
i have to admit im old.

this morning woke up feeling tired again. whole body was aching. and i keep falling asleep.
i need a bed urgently.

2009-10-06T09:05:00.003+08:00

#425

(ytd night i wasnt feeling good, there are something i kept to myself. i din tell anyone though my friends are concern to ask if they need me, they can be my listening ear. Maybe im not prepared to say it out or dont have any intention to say it out too. I know by keeping everything inside will not do me any good, but i really dont know how to say it out especially to my friends whereby i need to tell them the whole story. *haha* and definitely not to the direct party, cos i had promised not to bother him with those unnecessary stuffs. Im always so contradicting and undecisive, never think properly before i say anything, and always end up regreting. & now im regretted what i had told him last sat. I thought he has forgotten about the movie thingy.)

Time : Morning.

Mood: Restless & Moody

It was raining super heavily today, and i dont feel like waking up at all. Thought of reporting sick or whatever reason i can think of.Lazying on the bed, not willing to get up at all. Dad woke me up again, only to get the reply " i know, later" from me.

Eric was awake. or should i say, he hasnt sleep at all. Wait wait wait....Flashed back to the night before.

...I thought i was watching TV in the living room. How did i end up in my room?

I took another route to interchange this morning as i hate to bring umbrella plus my umbrella is in office. It took me 15mins or less to reach, which is 5mins more as compared to the usual route i took. I took a short nap in the bus, cos i was simply too tired.

By the time i reached cmonwealth, it was already 8pm. (usually this time, i wld have reached ofc). On the PC and i lied down on the table, waiting for the PC to start, but soon i was falling asleep. I still can hear some noises when my colleagues reached, slowly the noise was getting softer and softer and finally i was in my LaLaLand. No one actually wakes me up, but i managed to wake up at 833am. so still not that bad.

Though i might have woke up, but im still feeling very tired. My eyes could hardly open. Either im old or im going to be sick. I feel so tired easily these day.Maybe i should take 1 day leave tomorrow to sleep at home like there is no day and night. Im happy that tml lesson is cancelled.

Sat working --> lesson --> party. fully occupied. Cool. i have yet to find someone to go with me. Where is Orchard Parade Hotel ?

Time is crawling. Will be back to update. TbC. . .

Part 2:

Time : Noon

Mood: Full & Restless & Busy

Lunch with my colleagues at canteen.had economic food & now im super full.
hmm..my mood still the same but slightly better. waiting for time to pass fast fast. played farmville for awhile before i start doing my works.

my work is piling up but im still very reluctant to do it. i promise by tomorrow im going to finish it all. Haha.
After work, going out for short retail therapy. Its relly going to be a super short one cos i need to rush home to do accounting for my dad. Really hate, especially when i had to explain and come out of new format to present the reports.
For sure, later my face be BLACK BLACK. im a very impatient person and i hate people to ask me to do this and do that.
Since dad is going to get an accountant. I should be glad. :)

I got a parcel. Haha. But i had yet to open it, cos it super paisey to open in office. & at the same time i cant wait to open it also.

anyway, its going to off work. im going to rush to JE den shop shop and back to home. settle the accounts thinggy fast fast.

hmm..im not feeling that well. Sianz.
i hope my mood will get better and im really happy that there won be any class till Sat. I really hate to go school!
SERIOUSLY.
I want to be a .Deaf.Blind.Dumb. Ass. I want to stay ignorant for the next 2.5years.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

p/s: thanks fj. hope it will be a success.
p/s: thanks evon for accompanying me later

2009-10-05T23:23:00.004+08:00

#424

day 2 without him..

Still getting used to not to mind or jealous with everything i saw.

Today is the first day i get to see him after that decision i had made.No awkward moments, we can still talk as per normal but I know there just something about me that I find it weird. Try to act nothing happened...

We chatted but soon we had nothing much to chat. So he read his newpaper while I lied down and rest. Den I realized he was busy looking for someone, true enuff. He was looking for her. He passed her something. I turned away busy looking at my hp when he walked back...

His neighbour wasn't here today. So, another gal sat beside him. They had alot to chat. And he was sitting nearer to her too. Hmm. I looked away but my eyes were so naughty to keep looking back at them.

Aiyo, at this stage... How am I going to let go???
Haiz..

I did sth stupid again. Well....
I don't know...
How I wish I can continue like him...
Can I??

............................
Ytd I broke down again... I just went insane. I actually ask him for 10 sets of number so I can buy 4d.

There are so many things going on at the same time.
Working.studying.dad accounts.friends.family & him.

I have alot things inside me that I wanted to say but I can't find the right person. On the other hand, my elder brother... He's getting more and more troubled. He speaks to me and yet I cant give him any advices or comments... Cos I had my own problems but I can't tell him at all.

The more he tells me about his problem. The more stressed I'm.. But I just can't find people to share.

I feel like quitting my job or my studies... I really can't cope with my studies and it's really hard to juggle between work and studies. Together with the family and human relationship problems, I'm really going to explode..

Sometimes I just wonder, why people always fail to see my hardwork or even bother to care to ask me whether am I copin well. I'm not a smart person plus I have to work and study at the same time.. How am I suppose to pass my exams. The stress I actually faced during my 1st sems exams. Having nightmare that I forgot to do this and that in office that my colleague scolds me. And having the worry of thinking whether I had enuf time to study when im asked to come back to work and to think of work afraid that I had forgotten to do my work when I'm having my exams.

Sooner or later I will really go siao...

im super tired today.
i slept at 1245pm and woke up at 103pm, thinking that i had overslept.Continue to sleep all the way to 145pm.

On the way to school, i took a short nap in the bus.

After lesson, brother came to fetch me. Again, i slept from DG all the way to Home.

Reached home.bathed.watched tv.online.and 2plus. i went to bed.

its so nice to sleep but a torture to wake up knowing that you havent get enough sleep.

Im gettin' old.

2009-10-04T12:16:00.003+08:00

#423

Ytd I was happy and so high that I said alot of things that I need alot of courage to say out. Something that I have been keeping inside me.

I really don't expect myself to say everything out but since I had said, I really hope I won't regret.
Say is really easy than do. Now I have to start doing what I had said.
Fcuk it!!!!

Sad la...
Now I have to treat him as normal friend. Forget him as someone I once so liked. Forget everythin he has said or done. It's all sweet memories.

It's only barely 1 day, after that conversation, and I already struggling hard to survive.
This time round, how long will I take. I guess it will quite sometimes.

There is really no turning back after we ended the conversation this morning. I have to be responsible to what I had said and no more nuisance from me.

In just half a year, I already did so many stupid things. How come he has such a power to control my life, my thinking and my feelings?
How many times i actually confide in people cos of him?
How many times I actually put down everything to tell people I really can't do without him.
How many times I actually feel hurt and sad cos of him?

And the pain and the saddness that no one has given me, and why I still can forget everything and still think he is the best & nicest person I had liked.

What's wrong with me?
Fate let's me know this guy, but cruel not to let me has him.
I tried all I can, but still I failed.
I did alot of things that I wouldn't do especially to someone I only know for 6mths.
Is he really the someone whom is my mr right but I hasn't put enough hard work to make his mine??

But all these thinking aren't impt now cos of what I said ytd.
I might still like him now, but I can't be like what I used to do in the past.

Maybe from today onwards, he might not read my blog.

Anyway, I just wanna thank him for such a nice guy and never fail to be there for me when I need to voice all the unhappiness things I face in school or work or even friends. Thanks for his understanding and tolerance to my unreasonable attitude and bear with all the nuisance acts I had. His concern and caring acts that make me that I'm being cared for. There are alot I have to thank but I not going to repeat again as it will only show insincerity. I just hope you will be successful in yr career, studies or everything you do.
:)

2009-10-03T10:52:00.003+08:00

#422

Ytd I was attitude.

He talked to me but I just replied by a nod.
I don't like cos it was only the gal left the classroom than he talked to me.
For 2 times.

They were happy chatting. Alot to chat.
Stupid lesson only starts at 730. And I was super sian.
Everyone was happily talking and i'm the only 1 in class who is quiet.
This is why I hate to be in class.
I'm so sian till I smsed peisi that I wanted to leave during the break time.

But in the end, I dint leave cos lecturer was teaching some questions. So I endured till the end.

I tried to act as if nothing happened.
And I tried not to ask anything from him again.

So even if I reached home ytd, I din ask him anything. I kept it in my heart and told myself Dont Ask Anything.
You have to let go...

Well, luckily ytd our conversation dint last long, so I don't need to tahan for so long.. That's y I still tahan not to ask him anything. & ytd was the only time our conversation dint involve those people. It was all mainly on normal chatting.

Getting used to it...

I will be fine!!!
Smile gal :)

2009-10-02T14:25:00.002+08:00

#421

This watch is nice

the bags i wanted so much. . . not going to let it go...

i love this charm...but dun noe for wad purpose since i seldom use my Agnes B bag.
My next aim !!!

this is nice but i dun like white..ahha

this is nice too :) this too :)

MY BAG!! CHIO La! haha

I want this itouch pouch...but $90! sian diao~

Okie. im done~ im just being bo liao. i need to divert my attention now. Hmm.relationship isnt the only thing that i have in mind.

i wan to have many many money, so i can buy everything i like!

COach Bag

Vagary Watch

Kate Spade Itouch Pouch.

Im just so materialistic. So what!

2009-10-02T08:06:00.003+08:00

#420

Im physically & mentally tired.

im tired of myself keep asking & doing something that me myself find it irritating.
but why am i still doing since i know the outcome will not be the one i wanted.

i always told myself I NEED TO GIVE UP.I NEED TO GIVE UP. but still im holding on, hoping that 1 day i will stand a chance.

i hate myself to be controlled by his moods, his actions and his everything.
i hate myself always waiting for him to be online to chat with me
i hate myself to be so easily affected by him.
i hate myself trying hard to do things that will make him happy.
i hate myself trying hard to think what i can surprise him on his bday.
i hate myself for doing all these things when i know there wont be any chances.
i hate myself for being so childish too.
i hate myself to be so easily jealous.

now all i hope,
everything will be like in the past.
i dont like him.
i can treat him as a normal friend.
& he won be so moody.
i dont want him to be so moody and full of sianzation every times.
i want him to be like in the past.
i will give up so as to let him be happy.

giving up is not easy by just saying it out.
i need more times.
& at the same times, i will try not to bother you so much.
giving you more breathing space.
i won be so unreasonable always demanding you to explain this and that to me.
you are always so kind to tell me, no is not my fault.
but i hate to hear from you that, you are loner in class and you always shui feng er lai, shui feng qu that a sense of guilt in me that im partly the cause of everything.
i cant control in whatever you do, since we are just purely friends.
i have already exceeded the friendship line and abuse the authority that you had given to me.
i shouldnt be so selfish.
drinking & 'investing' isnt a good habit, but for you, you can still control, so not that bad.

i always like to say:
● i hate people who drink, smoke or gamble. (It was all on purpose.) cos everytime i say this, you will always tell me, you are not that die hard core drinker and gambler.
● wr & wilson infront of you (cos i tot you will mind or abit of jealous, but im so wrong). i admit talking about wr is out to make you jealous, for wilson...nope..cos sometimes he just come to my mind.

i like the conversation that we had on tues night when we were talking about future gf/wife. & i told you, it will be hard for me, cos you are the only son all these.... but when i asked you again, you told me you cant remember anything. ):

asking you to accompany me, was just an excuse of asking you out. but you dont like, i can understand it.
im shy whenever it comes to this thing. confessing to you doesnt mean im not a shy person. that confession i made to you that time, was on impulse. with everything forcing me, causing me to confess you.but seriously i like you.
i told you i dont go out with guy alone was becos im shy.
tat time when you asked me for dinner, i wanted to reject you. but i dint cos i don noe why. maybe i wanted to see you.
waiting for you at the station, my heart was pumping very fast.
when you arrived, i dont even dare to look at you or talk to you.
i start to behave crazy when im too happy or excited.
seriously im a shy person. . .

to like a person, may not having the person
as long as the person is happy, im contented.

so now i wish, & i hope you will be happy!
dont worry that i will not talk to you.

it came to me that everything you did or said was becos you are afraid that i wont talk to you. (but it give me the wrong impression that i stand a chance. chey!)
no worries, i will still talk to you even you dont like me ...

2009-09-30T11:04:00.002+08:00

#419

The whole world is reporting on their wedding~

GRAND WEDDING!!!!

2009-09-29T21:55:00.003+08:00

#418

29o9o9 Fann & Christopher Wedding Date

Finished watching their Live Wedding on tv just now.

TOUCHING.SWEET.NICE.LOVING.

WISH THEM HAPPY BLISSFUL WEDDING

After work, met up with Evon at JE station to JP to buy farewell present for Sam. . . whose last day is tomorrow... :(

Bought 1 pouch from M)phosis & 1 necklace from Helen. cos i simply dun noe what to buy and im rushing for time. Haha~

Saw 1 necklace from Chomel and happened to see the exactly same necklace at Helen. Think for quite sometime whether to get it or not. In the end, i dint. Cos i guess i won be wearing it since im wearing my own necklace form Soo Kee.

& i nearly bought a bag from M)phosis, so tempted to buy but Evon stopped me. Cos she says that bag isnt nice as compared to the bags i have. So i put back the bag.Luckily i din buy. Cos i still wan to buy my Coach bag. Haha~

Vagary watch still pending on my buying list.
im just a bag & watch freako slave.

SO rushed to get the present and back home, i dint have my dinner.
hmm..reached home, bathed, den im stuck to my tv. for that 1hr.
(:

Have I been missing him again that i keep talking about him that i din even realise that.
Oh No. Whats happening?
the last entry i wrote about him was actually 16 oCt 2oo8 which is going to be a year.
what cause me to think about him again?
i really have no idea.
i tot he has become part of my memories and being kept inside.
how did he come out of the locked place?
who let him out?
Hmm.. im really clueless...

I hate working, i hate when people like to negotiate about the pricing when the problem is already so serious that im receiving feedbacks / compliants everyday. Asking me what is the status, and it seems like im not doing anything when actually i had already called up the guy for solution and he has promised for extension without any extra costs. but why? he still wants to bargin it further. Making my jlife so difficult. Haiz. i really hate to do follow up for these.
Just 1 signature and everything will be solved. Haiz. Fan Si Ren.
Really hate working . . . Can hardly breathe now.
Headache~!!~

Today i asked weilun for help to help me order flowers online and send to my friend, for her belated bday present since i dun noe what to get for her. :)
she received the flowers around 2plus. she texted me and she is happy and touched. Heez.
Yeah. Im so happy i made 1 person happy for the day!
Great achivement!
i love giving people surprise. Haha...

im dumbASS! always a dumbASS who is so lousy & stupid.

SYNchronizing in process. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
he is unhappy since the day he knows the truth...

2009-09-29T14:37:00.005+08:00

#417

Receiving my 1st English Test at MDIS. . .

And i Passed! Haha

but there will be another test in 6months time.

Damn bo liao~

6mths time..means either Jan or Feb...

Super sleepy today.

slept in the train. thought i had missed my station.cos the surrounding look so different.

ytd wasnt feeling that good. hmm..suddenly moody.Ki Siao Again.

brother din pick me up ytd, so i took bus. waiting for my bus 502...and i saw wr.

he asked me where im going.

bus 111 came, so i told him i going home..den peisi sabo me.. huh..going home??!! you sure? this bus..

i boarded 111 cos 1st i scare i have nothing to talk to him while waiting for our buses, 2ndly, i also not sure whether my bus 502 wil be stopping at the stop, since of the F1 thinggy.

so i took the bus to queenstown station. bus to train to bus. whole journey took me less den 1hr. reached home. bathed everything done. i started watching my show.

im a tv freak.

ask me to stay at home to watch tv whole day, i can but provided that there is show for me to watch.

it was then, my mood wet hay-wired.

Ki siao again.

unhappy and sad for nothing. . .

1mth plus to exams.

this sems seems to pass so fast.i still dont know whats going on for my Econs & Law.

Sian Diao.

this oCt seems to have alot of activities.

3rd oCt - gathering at my cousins' house

10th oCt - nat's 21st bDay at Orchard Parade Hotel / lesson at DG

17th oCt - JoJo's 21st Bday at her house

Pending things on my hand :

- FJ's Bday present

- Peisi's Bday present

- Nat's Bday present

- Sam's farewell gift

- JoJo's Bday gift

- Dad's GST report. (this freaking sianz)

with all these activities, the arrival of Nov will be here soon. . .

which also means. EXAMS.

1 of the EXAM is on SAT which is my working day!

Econs 19th Nov

BLaw 21st Nov

Foa2 24th Nov

Faint

i cant wait for 4th Dec to arrive.

i wan to be happy like before.

SMILE :D

2009-09-28T14:03:00.002+08:00

#416

I often close my eyes.And I can see you smile.You reach out for my hand
And I'm woken from my dream.Although your heart is mine.Its hollow inside
I never had your love.And I never will

And every night.I lie awake.Thinking maybe you love me
Like I've always loved you.But how can you love me
Like I loved you.when You can't even look me straight in my eyes

I've never felt this way.To be so in love.To have someone there
Yet feel so alone.Aren't you supposed to be.The one to wipe my tears
The one to say that you would never leave.The waters calm and still
My reflection is there.I see you holding me
But then you disappear.All that is left of you
Is a memory.On that only, exists in my dreams

I don't know what hurts you.But I can feel it too.And it just hurts so much
To know that I can't do a thing.And deep down in my heart
Somehow I just know.That no matter what.I'll always love you
So why am I still here in the rain..

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me.What hurts the most.Was being so close.And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away.And never knowin'.What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you.Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go.But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart

How would I ever go on.Without you there's no place to belong
Well someday love is gonna lead you back to me.But 'til it does I'll have an empty heart
So I'll just have to believe.Somewhere out there you thinking of me

Until the day I'll let you go.Until we say our next hello
It's not goodbye.'Til I see you again
I'll be right here rememberin' when.And if time is on our side
There will be no tears to cry.On down the road
There is one thing I can't deny.It's not goodbye
You'd think I'd be strong enough to make it through.And rise above when the rain falls down
But it's so hard to be strong.When you've been missin' somebody so long
It's just a matter of time I'm sure.But time takes time and I can't hold on
So won't you try as hard as you can.To put my broken heart together again

I always needed time on my own.I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone.And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take.Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone.The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone.The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone.The words I need to hear
To always get me through the day and make it okay
I miss you.I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you

to be SYNchronise. . .
a hidden meaning to it. . .
that i always kept it in my heart unless the right person ask me about it. . .

i've no intend to do anything. . .
but the least i hope, he will be happy
and so do i. . .
im not giving anyone pressure or having any intention to make either party unhappy. . .
im just being truthful to my feelings and thoughts. . .

if i know things were to get out of hand,
i will not do it. . .

你说我比较像你的好朋友
你说过我是你最好的朋友
你退缩你冷漠于是我放开双手不在乎我的心会永远的寂寞
如果爱情是五线谱
我曾希望用全音符吟唱出
爱上你那完整的幸福但你的心没有耳朵
即使我为你唱着歌你也只看见我哭了

if i can choose,
i will choose to turn back time. . .
i rather everything not made known. . .

能不能不爱了因为爱太痛了
我痛得快死了却无法把你忘了

i look back to the old pictures of mine.
i look happier. . .
there seems to be alot of things going through my mind.
im not happy at all.
yet i still have to smile at everyone...

无辜的陪笑才会让我能真的忘了你的好
我在搞笑借着热闹掩盖着心跳边哭边笑偏要说着一个人真好
当人群散了突然觉得我可以死掉我受不了还在搞笑

是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼,眉头聚满乌云,从来快乐悲伤都自己判刑

一路上不断地俯冲,痛到忘了要怎么喊痛
漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过,我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想有拥抱的温柔,融化这颗坚强的泡沫
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁,能让我相信被爱的理由

我想有个家.一个不需要华丽的地方
在我疲倦的时候.我会想到它
我想有个家.一个不需要多大的地方
在我受惊吓的时候.我才不会害怕

我一直在第二顺位爱着你
一直从雨天一直到阴天
一直到今天你逃离过去
我一直在第二顺位等着你
一直从昨天一直到今天
一直到永远我相信是我最爱你
聆听你说抱歉多过你说我爱你
你困在雨里我困在雨里
我的伞湿淋淋
没关系是我最常说的一句
就让我等就算我冷至少我陪着你

2009-09-26T21:26:00.003+08:00

#415

说不开心，是骗人的！
但是却不能表现出来。。。。
哈哈大笑！！！

但我真的是个无聊的人，因为我什么都不懂。哈哈！
我只会走来走去。
话题也不搭。没有共同的话题。好悲哦！

和他站在一起看着星座书，是我与他最近的距离。当时，没留意到。只到回到家以
后，才回想一切。。。hmm.. 不错！

哈哈！不害臊！！
时间过的很快，一下子就很晚了。。。
Good things always don't last long...
Okay.. Im just want to 保留一些回意。thats why wrote this entry cos it might only be the only time..
Heex

2009-09-26T08:59:00.005+08:00

#414

WTF, Early Morning make me angry...
Dont make me send email to everyone...

Back to Yesterday. . .

Yesterday, Ricoh people came down again to give training. Jason being so nice, bought 1 box of Old Chang Kee Curry Puff for us. . .

Half Morning gone again after 'attending' the training with the affected departments.
Haha. Im the Adminstrator for Copier Machines. Which mean more problem created for me...

Lunch, tabao food from the Malay Stall Outside school back to office to eat.
Ricoh IT man called me...and i have to start my work again.
this time round, it took around 3hrs to complete the left over stuffs that we were unable to finish the day before.
Again, from 1plus all the way to 4...i was standing and walking here and there.
Tired!

Back to office. Work pilling up. Headache.
start rushing this and there. So managed to clear all my new POs, and updating of invoices. . . I was like super gan jiong, when my colleagues talk to me, i replied without facing them, cos my hand dint stop typing and doing.

Finally at 5plus. im done with all the newly created POs and updating of invoices. 1 Stack gone. another 2 stacks to be done today (sat). . . by the time, i finised that 1st stack, my energy level just went to 1...
no more strength plus my heart beat beats so fast. Im ganjiong spider.
ate 1 curry puff on the spot though im not hungry at all, cos i just dont wan to bring that curry puff home.

finally 545. . .
packed and off i go. . .
went to reception to pass her complimentary cards & had a short chat with her. . .den to guard house to pass CSO his letter. chatted with them too.

slowly walked to the station as i was really too tired.
nearly fell asleep while waiting for him.
super duper weird having to sit and stand beside him. *freaking tall* tired talking to him when standing up.
we were quite quiet throughout the journey to boon lay. i dint know what to talk plus very tiring to look up and talked.
finally reached JP, im just so proud of JP. Haha.
not knowing what to eat, so we walked here and there.In the end, we decided Billy Bombers.

he had ole fish & chips (he tot is nice, based on the pic i took that time).but he din really find it nice.
i had half onions and half fries. Im just so full but still i ate some. plus the bottle of coke zero i had too.
trying to push the food down.wao! super duper full.

after dinner, loitered around jp. nothing much to shop as most of the shops were preparing to close plus im not a good entertainer. he looks so sianz.. and i din noe that the time was so late.

so after sort of conquering the whole JP. (i suppose)...we went home!
Chased him home cos it was late. He will need to take around 55mins to reach tamp. . .so i calculated for him.
930pm left boon lay
1030pm reach tampines
1100pm reach home (just nice to watch his condor heroes)

though tired, but really thanks him for the dinner and also accompany me for waiting for the bus.(hes damn lucky, usually the waiting time is long. but yesterday, was fast! :) ) And coming down to JP. . . instead of elsewhere. *but i still want to go CITY HALL LA. I want to listen to the sound. but i dont dare to suggest to you. later kana whack.*

*its so super rare of me going out alone with guy. is either i dont treat him as a guy or im too tired to reject. Haha.Think Ah Lun going to kill me. Cos i have been rejecting him since last yr. Going to give him a surprise maybe*

LASTLY, HAPPY B.DAY to MR J.LEONG

2009-09-25T09:05:00.003+08:00

#413

Yesterday at work was like going for a war.

900am - ricoh deliverymen came down with 3 new copiers. met up with them. moved them to respective venues.
945am - they left & ricoh sales representative came down.
1000am - went to canteen with my executive and him to chat and drink tea(1st time drinking milk tea), while waiting for the orix people to collect back the old copiers and also ricoh IT people to come down.
1100am - all came down. settle this and that. Brought IT guy to my office while my executive procceed with other stuffs. So many things going on at the same time.
FINALLY,
12plus - copiers all nicely set up, except the mapping of the drivers to each and individual staffs.

Yesterday was like standing for the whole morning. From 9 to 12. . .
by the time i settled down in my office, i was like so exhausted. Super hungry too! But funny was when i went to buy my lunch (oh ya! i got free lunch ytd, cos of the newly open chinese stall. the MD gave me & my executive free food tasting) i wasnt that hungry.

continue completing my work for the day. still feeling very tired.
i noe why im so tired . . . beside sleeping late the day before & running around cos of the copiers thinggy + im falling sick again. My throat feels dry, sneezing away, coughing. . . *all thanks to the weather*

B.Law lesson was super boring & i fell asleep 2 times during the lesson.
Once - while writing some notes, i just literally dozed off.
Secondly - towards the end of the lesson, whereby the lecturer was talking about batteries, and i think before he touched on that topic, i was already on the way to my la-la land.

brother & Da sao came down & we took cab home tgt since brother din drive. reached home at about 1030. bathed and got myself ready to watch the recorded fann & chris wedding preparation show. its nice and funny.
cant wait for 29th Sep o9.
was so hungry but nothing to eat at home. so continue watching my shows.

while watching and waiting, i fell asleep!
and i forgot to charge my mp3.
woke up at 5am to charge my mp3 and dun noe which smart people, switch off my charger.

very tired la~
train so packed.no seat. have to stand, cant even take a short nap properly.
throat dry & slight pain.
sianz. i dont want to fall sick again.

tml his Bday. . .
ytd he smsed me. . .
but i dint reply. . .
keep procrastinating, hoping that 1 day, he will sick of it. . .
5mths since we last met. . .
the feeling isnt that strong for him anymore. . .
the last time his words really hurt me was on 17th Dec 08. . .
from the day onwards, i told myself, i must let go. . .
& eventually i really let go. . .
but april, we still met up twice. . .
i can still remember our parting ways were always so cool like both of us are like strangers. . .
well, sometimes im abit moved by what he had said to me. . . (maybe that his way of talking, hoping that i will give in and meet up with him)
& now, im still confused whether to meet up with him.

today! 25th sept 09. 1st day of F1. . .
im tempted to go, but yet to find anyone to go with me. . .
sianz!
cos not many people will be interested to go there just to listen to the sound.
haha!
im lame. Ya & i noe!
what to do. . .
this is Me.

2009-09-23T23:35:00.003+08:00

#412

my mood just went all the way down to the lowest point.

with so many things going through my mind. it really hard for me not to feel frustrated.sad.moody.

my elder brother was talking to me just now. he has alot of things to say, and he's not feeling good either. i cant give any comments, but to sit there to listen to what he says. i pity him but we are in the same boat, just that i dint tell him my problems.

2ndly, eric...
hes really making my life miserable. i really dont know what to say and how to tell him. hes damn fucking stupid.idiot!

3rdly, you...
i dont know why i just got so worried about you. worried that something had happened. i know i should have this kind of bad thinking, but i just cant help but worried. luckily you are fine... and now, being so paranoid....i thought of other things...im going crazy soon...

there are so many things i wanted to say out...but i just cant find the right person whom i can talk freely to...from family to friends to relationship things.

im tired keeping everything inside my heart. its like going to explode soon...

i dont like to play bejeweled, but seeing the blocks dropping down and down i feel so relaxed. cos i dont need to think anything, all i need to do is to keep on clicking and clicking. sort of venting all my anger on the mouse and the blocks.

my head is very pain now.

im jealous of my friends who had graduated... i should have start studying early, so i won get to face some unpleasant things i had faced and i will be more relaxed and stress-free... working is giving me alot of stress though im just a small fry there...

im jealous of my friends who are going to graduate...cos i really cant wait to leave this school and this classs.

im jealous of my friends who are not studying and working at the same time....cos i really find it hard to balance work and books together....

im fear of exams...but i still cant get myself up to start studying my stuffs.i really dont wish to fail any modules...i wan to get it all done in 1st attempt...

i hate when people dont appreciate what i done and start to blame me when things go wrong.

im sad when people say im stupid.

im just so freaking tired over the life im leading.
i can easily console my friends that this is our own life, we dont need to be controlled by people on how we lead the life. Said is easier than Done...
i find it extreme hard to apply that on myself.

im not a happy gurl since 2003...with my friends leaving me at the most crucial times when i needed them. & the trust i had for them....
everything just gone like that....

friends.family.studies.works.
simply driving me crazy~

i hope i can turn back time....
if i can i hope to leave this sad place where no one noes me.

2009-09-22T20:13:00.002+08:00

#411

The momentum isn't there after the long weekend...

Today the feeling abit weird, something isn't right with me. Just couldn't figure out what went wrong.
Reached office...

Start doing my work....went to the guard house to do access cards for the new staffs. Emailed them their photocopier ID all these.

Time passes very slow. I had done partly of my stuffs and soon it was 12nn. I was listening to my colleagues talking and soon I was found lying on the table. I was having pain around my stomach area, and having urge to vomit. Soon, I fell asleep. The moment I woke up was going to 1pm.

My stomach wasn't that pain as compared in the morning.
So I went to the canteen with my colleague to get some food...

The pain is here again. It went on and off. Sometimes it can pain to the extend I feel like vomitting.
The feeling just so sucky.

Smsed jie.asking him to accompany home.. Haiz.. In the end, I went home myself.
I cabbed home, and clementi area having jam! Serious jam!!
The taxi driver talked to me but I wasn't in any mood to reply.

I fell asleep in the taxi, still having pain. All I could do was to hug my bag tight to me.
My stomach don't like me at all, I think I tortured it that's why now it trying to create trouble...

My parents went dinner without me since I don't feel that well. They bought me sliced fish bee hoon for me since I don't really have any appetite.

I hope I will be fine soon, cos the feeling isn't that great at all!

:)
I'm happy that this week, I only need to attend lesson for 1 day.. & I still haven decide whether to go or not to go...

I need to start my plan again...
Still going on well, I hope I can achieve soon..

The day is coming nearer & I still haven't make up my mind.

You are always being missed by me...

2009-09-22T00:14:00.004+08:00

#410

Super Long Never take Pictures with ASShole liao!

Sat :
Went to HSA to donate blood with her...

Mon :

Went to Tampines to slack. . .

i had fun with her at there, cos we are like SIAO CHAR BO.

in the train, was fun too.
Cos we behaved like crazy pple....

YEAH.

Is her~ blurASS put us aeroplane~ haha

2009-09-20T01:25:00.002+08:00

#409

IM HUNGRY NOW~

my useless left hand is damn F* pain!

both wound still swollen.

well done~

2009-09-19T22:42:00.005+08:00

#408

Today went to Outram Park. The place used to be so familiar and nice. 10 yrs since i really stepped on there.

My 1st time donating blood. Of cause the feeling will be like super nervous and scared, *im afraid of injection*but the nurses there are nice to ensure that i wont feel so stressed up and scared.. .

Went in to for check up, everything about me is okay except heart beat seems to beat abit faster. Was asked to go to counter 5 to test whether im suitable for donation.
i super gan jiong, i went in straight and approaced by 1 guy there to ask me to go for the test first. Damn PS!

Reminder! Don wear skirt or dress when donating ur blood. It super hassle to go up the bed.

The nurse explained everything to me and told me to continue doing my things so as to distract my attention when the big needle was being poked inside. Maybe I'm too nervous, instead of smsing, I went to squeeZe the ball and the nurse quickly asked me not to squeeze.

Overall, still okay, it was only when they test for the hb count and the 1st needle when they were trying to numb my hand.

They had diffculty finding my veins..

After that was told to rest before I can leave,ate half piece of a yam cake while the other half given to dap. Went to tiong to slack before I go for my lesson..

I was so tired and my hand feel numb and that stupid heavy books that I had to carry. Was so tired that I fell asleep in the train but luckily I din miss my station.

Lesson was sian and I don't noe why. I just don feel going to class. Well, sometimes u just have to face it. So I faced it.

Super tired after lesson...,

And now I don't feel like continuing

I'm immune to it...im always being left out. im used to it...
THANKS TO EVERYONE...
im just a small fry.

2009-09-18T22:50:00.002+08:00

#407

IM HAVING MIXED FEELINGS NOW
ALOT OF DIFFERENT KIND OF FEELINGS GOING THROUGH ME.

SUPER CONFUSED
AND I HAVING CHEST PAIN, SO PAIN TILL I HAVE DIFFICULTY IN BREATHING
I CANT CALL FOR ANYONE, ALL I CAN DO IS TO LIE DOWN THERE AND BREATH IN SLOWLY.

MY NECK IS IN PAIN, BUT WHO CARES. NO ONE!

THIS FEELING IS SO INTOLERABLE
I HATE THIS KIND OF FEELINGS.
IS PAINFUL AND I FEEL AS IF IM DYING SOON

TML, TML WILL BE THE DAY.
HOW AM I GOING TO FACE IT
CANNOT, I CANT SHOW ANYTHING OUT
IS ALL NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING DE.

SIA LI LING. WAKE UP!
TML WILL BE OVER SOON
SOON...VERY SOOON...
SUNDAY WILL BE A BETTER DAY
MONDAY WILL EVEN BE A BETTER DAY

MAYBE CAN GO TAMP 1 TO LOOK AT THE THING I WANTED.
ASSHOLE, WHERE U?
LETS GO AIRPORT TOO!

I STARTED TO TALK NONSENSE LIAO.
AND BEHAVE INSANE
DIE.IM FRANTIC NOW.
LUAN LA. VERY LUAN NOW
FAN SI REN~

Mr T...
Nat
FJ
Anim!!

NEEDS LISTENING EAR FROM YOU GUYS~

25th SEPT, ANOTHER THING TO FAN OVER. SIANZ!
soSO MANY THINGS BOTHERING ME.
WTH.
WHY EVERYONE IS FORCING ME?
WHY MUST I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT PEOPLE'S FEELING WHEN THEY DONT EVEN CARE SO MUCH HOW I THINK OR WHAT I WANT?

WTH la. EVERYTHING MUST GO WITH WHAT YOU GUYS WANT FROM ME?
DEN WHAT ABOUT ME?
WHO GOING TO THINK FOR ME AND WHO CARES ABOUT ME?
NO ONE . NO ONE AT ALL.

IM SICK OF EVERYONE and EVERYTHING.
WHY GROWING UP IS SURE A PAINFUL PROCESS? I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!!!
I HATE TO MAKE DECISION AND TO KNOW THAT THE DECISION I WANT WILL ACTUALLY MAKE SOMEONE TO BE ANGRY.
THEN WHO WILL THINK FOR ME. WHO WILL ACTUALLY CARE FOR ME.

I HATE MYSELF TOOO...
I HATE MYSELF.
I HATE EVERYTHING LA

2009-09-18T09:27:00.004+08:00

#406

Its Friday plus long weekend but but but it doesnt make any difference to me since TML IM HAVING LESSON FOR WHOLE NOON~

i can anticipate that tml will be a extreme tired day for me.Going to carry 2 books with me. Well, im sort of prepare for it. Just hope that i wont have any grumpy face. I must SMILE, else people always think im emo or sad. =D

Fortuner Teller lilingSIA says : Flu Bug is coming to you soon...
SIAliling says : Pls wait till Sunday than visit me...

For the past 1hr, i have been yawning for dont know how many times. The time is simply going at a very very slow speed. its only 1hr... how am i going to tahan till 545. . . long way to go...
i want to rush home to sleep.sleep.sleep. but at the same time, i feel like going to IMM.
im sleepy but not tired.

*ytd saw jiemin! hes wearing shirt. so formal. 1st time seeing him in shirt. Haha. Cool leh..but if he remove the backpack of his. will be even more shuai! *

F1 coming. still can remember last yr on 26th Sep, i was at City Hall with Eric & ZM listening to the sound of the F1 cars. Simply shiok! It made me go insane and excited. Im Overly Excited. I was there with Eric for that 3 days just to listen to the sound of the cars. This year! i want to go there again. If only, JL can go with me since his bDay is on 26th . . . but too bad... He cant be seen outside with gal. Wad to do, married guy. so far, he is the only guy whom i find the height is perfect for me. i love his height. got secure. Haa~

bag. watch or clothes. What should i get?

im glad that ytd, my mood was okay. nothing really happened(that are visible for me)...even though ytd nothing had happened, but i dont know why my mind keep thinking, there were actually something happened. I tried not to think and prevent myself from going further to ask (i still asked some). I think im too sensitive and paranoid. Isnt a good feeling afterall. Really appreciate his thoughts to explain to me that nothing's happening between them. (see, i told you.how to stop liking him. HAHA). Guess yesterday, i was too highly excited that i keep telling him, i like him. he's mine. when can he be only mine? do you miss me..all sort of things that i wont ask after that time . Though, he always sound so cool, but i know he really misses talking to peisi... *i understand.wo ming bai. ke shi wo yi zhi bian zi ji that i think too much. well, ni zhi, wo zhi.* sometimes i rather he tells me first, rather than later i get to know everything from peisi. Just like the 2 incidents.

I went home to watch the Wedding Preparation of Fann & Chris. Super touched and sweet~2 more for next 2 weeks.

Confession to make :
Seriously, im afraid of talking to him face to face. I dont know what to talk or how to look at him when talking. I just feel so uneasy. Got once, i tried to look at him/ his eyes when talking. I was like struggling to stay focused. I wanted to shift my eyes to other things, but it was rude & eventually, i still moved my eyes away. I think i told him too many things liao, so make me very paisey as in dont know how to face him. But back again, i still can talk to him after confession, was weird enough to keep me thinking why huh.cos from my past serious confession(not counting those i played played only), i will not talk to that person in person again. He is the 1st one and also the 1st one who actually can cause my mood to swing so drastically, like my mood is being controlled by him. Hes moody, i will be moody too and also after being rejection, still can happily talk to him in msn or in person. And even confront him when im jealous with him being so close to gurls.
What is happening? Getting more and more complicated. We are still normal friends as what he always emphasizes to me, but the things i done definitely over the normal friendship boundary.

Someone going for a drink today. Sianz~
死了,我无法让自己不去喜欢他,因为他的嘴实在甜. Super sweeet talk guy, know the right timing to say the right things to make you happy. Haha~
If only, he will appear infront of me as and when i feel like seeing him. . .he very poor thing, every little action he does, i will notice it. No freedom at all. im like a spy who keep spying on him.
Hoping that 1 day, i will give him a watch. *heeheex*
BUT HIS TASTE TOO HIGH.HE LIKES TAG HEUER...

Talking about the xmas thingy. i find it funny. Cos i keep asking him his address, but at the same time, i keep telling him, DONT WORRY I WON SEND YOU ANY XMAS CARD. HAHA!
HE SAYS I BO XIM. WHO CARES. SERIOUSLY NOWADAYS WHO STILL SEND XMAS CARD? HAHA.TECHNOLOGY SO ADVANCED LIAO.
Den he suggested gift exchange. this even more funny. cos i told him i will give him 1 whole stack of 4D papers ... HAHA~ Lame la. In the end, i told him i will give him MASKS. hey. see carefully, is MASKS! HAha..
he very ai mei!
He gay, i tomboy. Perfect match. LOL. . .SIAO!

2009-09-17T09:03:00.005+08:00

#405

The ENGAGEMENT RINGS

im super overly excited for today, but so shitty that i have to attend that boring b.Law lesson.

im in a super good mood today, so i hope nothing will happen that will change my mood drastically.

Please!

im going to get iweekly, 8 days & Uweekly later.

8pm!

10hrs45mins to go.

Can i skip lesson later? If i skip, i will have to skip on 24th too.

Aiyo.Contradicting~

Simply not in mood to do anything.
Finally getting married!

Super happy and excited, Cant wait to see the live of their wedding.

She will be the most gorgeous bride.

everyone is waiting for this day.

even GCD did ask her when she will be getting married.

See how cool and reputable she is.

since 1995 till now. 14yrs! (omg!same as the yrs i have know the father of 2. mr J.Leong)

the only actress i love!

Their love path~

1996 : Brave New World
1998 : Return of the Condor Heroes

2000 : Looking for Stars

2001 : Madam White Snake

2002 : Brotherhood

2003 : Always on my mind , Moon Fairy

2005 : The Lucky Stars

2009 : The Wedding Game

Its going to be a SUPER BIG EVENT~

Haha

2009-09-16T14:41:00.006+08:00

#404

what's wrong with me?
today i dress like a nurse (but in black) and yet ....
scratches on my leg and finger being found.din noe till this morning. *super idiot* & my old injury - my wrist - it pains again. Really feel like chopping off~
useless gurl im .

yesterday class was super sianz loh.
1stly, everyone was like discussing the results. (really cant stand that super haolian and ya ya papaya LADY)
2ndly, the super nice show being protrayed infront of me.
3rdly, is blaw lesson
4thly, im so tired
lastly, the story that my lecturer told, freaked me out. luckily my brother came to fetch me

lucky that he saw me at the traffic.

trying so hard to look at the lecturer, by not sitting straight. leaning against the wall, so my view wont be right infront of me but more towards to my left side. keep banging my head against the wall. ytd i just went crazy.

super high when i saw guys from other class. they look more like man.with the height and build. most importantly, they are wearing long sleeves shirt. (my fav) plus its white! and so high that i actually walked near them, and tell peisi, thats the perfect height.

the more i try to hide the real emotions of mine, the more un-natural im. . .
im sure yesterday i was behaving very un-natural, still im acting cool that i dont even bother.
it was only on the way home, i thought alot of things. The images just came to my mind.So hard not to think about it. *dummy*

So when i reached home, i told myself no matter how, die die also cant ask or tell him anything...
you know my pattern la. Haha..how can i stop myself from not doing that.
hmm...so i msned him and asked.
Such a failure im...(but damn weird la, i would actually do all these.OVER liao.ITS TOO OVER LIAO)
poor him, to suffer... (my fault, luckily for him actually. if got chance to be together, he will suffer alot)
nvm, i will just let my feelings fade fast fast to stop his all agony.
Anyway, he has been feeling moody these few weeks. Hmm..My Fault? Partly ba. if not, at least now, he will be happily talking and chatting and joking with peisi...

I really thanked him for the herbal tea and strepsils that he actually came down to UC to pass to me, and also being so understanding towards my unreasonable acts. Always trying to explain to me as if he really owes me explanation to what he had done, (actaully he doesnt need to do so), well this is the unreasonable part of me, thats why he also has no idea to why he explains everything to me. Or maybe he doesnt want to make as if he always the one who caused me to be emo or sad. I dont know. Hmm..Really dont know. Maybe he does to every girls, i also dont know. BUT 1 THING I KNOW, HE ALWAYS SUPER SWEET & NICE TO GALS. this kind of bf jia luk, unless you are not those very easily jealous type. for me...definitely cant. i will always get jealous, guess for me,i can only be the one liking him at 1 corner, but never will there be any chance we can be together... BUT HE IS A VERY BAD GUY. HE REJECTED ME DONT KNOW HOW MANY THOUSANDS OF TIMES.OFFERED TO ACCOMPANY HIM TO SCH - REJECTED! ASK HIM FOR MOVIE-REJECTED! WANNA BUY HIM A CAKE ON HIS BDAY - ALSO REJECTED! PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING I ASKED, SURE 1 word - REJECTED! See me at the station, also never came up to talk to me. Happily talking to other girls, always say im rushing for train, blah blah blah. I talked to other guy, he feels happy for me.. i feel sad for myself. On the other hand, he can actually accompany other girl wait for bus and walk with her, play with her, joke with her. EVERYTHING ALSO CAN. BUT ME CANT DE! So bad. This is the worst part of him - always make me super jealous - Aiyo, dont let me see or let me know anything la, somehow i always seem to know it. Well, im too ~~sensitive~~..CLEVER! people dont talk to him, he will be moody. i dont talk to him, he doesnt feel anything. I know im just a super normal friend or maybe just a classmate to him who happened to like him and helped him before. Ya! Must be it!
Next time, dont let me dream of him again~!!! Cos Reality is always OPPOSITE from the Dream.

alot of things for me to clear, but not in right mood to do anything. managed to finish half of it, 2 more days for me to clear everything. Long weekend, gosh. i got phobia for it. hope nothing happens...

sch on sat 130-600. freaking long hours.
bLaw again. tml bLaw again. but i like the classroom. haha. can walk out of classroom fast!
dont like to be in the school. hate everyone.
i want to graduate fast fast so i wont get to see everyone.

*wr left the class early. hmm..sth must have happened.that gal left shortly after he left. hmm.something fishy*
he is the rare one who looks nicer in red shirt. ytd he looks just so different. *shuaishuai* haha~

everytime after work or sch...how i wish someone will be waiting outside for me~
but so far, its only eric. CHEY!

2009-09-15T23:57:00.004+08:00

#403

Sucky so super sucky

Why must sit infront of me????!!!!!
Need to be so close de mah!????
Luff, talk, play.....

Go eat shit La!!!

How to pretend not to see anything?????!!!!

I keep saying I don't mind??!!!! But how??!!!

Seriously hate going to school!!!!!

Fckued it,....

Fed up la... Fan fan fan fan fan FAN FAN la
But who can I tell?????
I can only shout at my blog....

Cbcbcbcbcbcbcb
Knsknsknsknsknsknsknsknskns
Idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot
Y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y
Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass
Argharghargharghargharghargharghargharghargh
Fengfengfengfengfengfengfengfengfengfeng

HOW TO STOP LIKING HIM!!!
I'm really very sad la
How how how how how how
Crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy

I'm not going to care who going to see this la
If not I'm going crazy if I don't say it out

I wan to get out of BBME10946A!!!!

I hate to make this decision to study here and I hate myself for liking him
Idiot la!!!

2009-09-15T16:51:00.002+08:00

#402

Yesterday went to bed super early, earlier than my normal timing and i even forgo my fann's show, cos i was super tired.

Slept at 11plus, but 12plus woke up again.Went back to bed again, woke up at 2plus, thinking it was 6 in the morning.

I dreamt alot of things ytd, but cant really remember the details. I remember dreaming of him. Yeah! Him!!! I dreamt of me msning with him, the dream was like so real that when i woke up in the middle of the night, i thought i was holding on to my itouch. . . wth, only 1 day dint msn with him, must i dream of that?
useless gal. . . Haha

this morning, super busy! so many hiccups here and there. chaos!
and today i hit my quota of going up and down and up and down and up and down.
Super tired! having to go down and up again, and rest for not more than 10mins, i have to go down again and up again.
so hot and tired that, when my technician saw me, he told me, im sweating away. Well, under this hot weather, and can i not sweat by going down and up.
why my office is at level 5?

was supposed to lunch at magaret drive, but due to time constraint, we bought our food from canteen. saw nat before i went lunch. on the way home after exams.the last time i went out with nat was on july. kinda miss nat~ haha

he came down to pay his fees. met up with him for a short while.

im so tired today. and i have lesson later at DG, which i super hate it. go there still okay, but is the going home part that i dont like. journey takes 1hr +, if only someone can fetch me home~ haiz. im dreaming.

eric! if only he can come and fetch me. sjh also can. haha~
this whole week, will be having law lesson. super boring can!

i cant wait to graduate fast. i hate studying.
im not clever and worst still, im so lazy and not hardworking. How to excel well in my studies if i continue to be like that.

so what if im stupid!
D.A.D still loves me. Haha~

i have reached my limit, i cant go any further.
im just too tired to do anything, to care anything or to ask anything.
sometimes i just hate school days...
always ended up knowing something or seeing something i dont hope to see or to know.
i must master the skill of being an idiot.
haha~
siao!

whatever it is, im very tired now!

2009-09-14T10:08:00.003+08:00

#401

I was being barred from hair dye-ing...
Sob. .. .. . .

吃不能吃睡不能睡, 没有了你全都不对
我都学不会把爱敷衍, 用笑容来把眼泪催眠
笑不能笑哭不敢哭, 人不像人鬼不像鬼
朋友都说这不过失恋, 但我却连呼吸都胆怯
能不能不爱了因为爱太痛了
我痛得快死了却无法把你忘了
能不能不爱了爱情它太痛了
我痛得快死了却无法把爱割舍
我不能够不能够不爱了,我不能睡

偏心你真的偏心,感情为何你从不提
是什么原因爱会有距离,等候你却没有回音
多心或许我太多心,担心这段感情会在这里停
浑沌的脚印分辨真心要更多冷静
学会冷静冷静才发现爱病的不轻
我的耳朵只想听你说话,我的眼睛容不下一粒沙
我的妒忌闷的没有道理,跟随著你的天气调整我的悲或喜
你要晴天我不敢下雨,见到你快乐我才能宽心
只要你开口我都会附议,但是你却没有对我表态的勇气
莫非是我自作多情

就算世界与我为敌,我超喜欢你
超喜欢你不能分离,我只相信这个真理
百无禁忌万夫莫敌,我超喜欢你
我慢慢不能清醒,终于不想清醒
根本不用清醒这个恶作剧
想要对你说的话,身体已替我表达
一旦爱了不能作假,一度觉得很头大
怀疑细胞有偏差,可是爱了没有办法
我超喜欢你,是我放在心里好久的秘密
我不敢告诉你,甚至没有勇气说服我自己
我问一问上帝,要怎么突破我们之间的距离
站在原地是友谊,往前一步又怕吓到你

你说我不该不该不该在这时候说了我爱你
要怎麽证明我没有说谎的力气请告诉我

就这样简单你走过来,而我终于明白了
自己为何要存在,慢慢的我已经离不开
因为我以爱上你了,暂停算不算放弃我只有一天的回忆

如果我说，爱你能不能永远相信
这一天我想跟着你,跟你说你最爱的笑话
我想以后都能在一起,每天想着你以变成习惯
一直幻想你在我身边,牵着你的手我和你甜蜜的走

2009-09-13T23:24:00.000+08:00

#400
finally hit 400th post!!!!

I'm here with nothing on my mind.. Just to hit my 400th post!!!

Finally!!!!

Okay. 2nd day without him... Everything still going on well. Hope it will still goes on like this or even better... Cos this is what he hopes to see too :)
Went online, saw him online...
Don't dare or don't wish to initiate the talk first. Nothing special or what, just think back, I'm almost always initiating the talk, it makes me seems like I'm very irritating. Hahaha...

Anyway, just hope he had enjoyed that short break, at least 2 days without me to keep questioning him.. LOL.
I'm glad that tml there won't be any lesson, (if only thurs is being cancelled or being postponed)...
I'm going on well and I think I will be better or best. (that's wad he hopes for too!!)

Sat was a bad day for me! My dad again... Should have go out after work... Sort of regret... Nvm. It's all over!!!
That stupid eric! Makes me vomit blood... Going to slap him 1 day!!!
But think back, without him... Guess I will be very sian too. Haha

Monday again, my colleague going for training for 3 days, den when he comes back, my other colleagues going on leave for 2 days. Sian. So incomplete...

I just hope tml will be okay for me, and time will pass fast.
3 new staffs again! Sickening. I hate cos it very troublesome.

Can't think of anything to write...
Anyway, congrats to myself!!!
I hit 400th!!!
Finally!!!!

2009-09-12T10:22:00.005+08:00

#399

working saturday is always a chore for me. but i still have to work no matter how reluctant im .

Msning with wr, talking about the results and the modules all these. encouraged him. haha~ im such a nice person. told him that is the lecturer's fault thats why so many pple flunked FOA.
he called me ling again. stupid enough, i asked him... does he know my name? He knows. hahaha. The reason why he calls me ling is becos of short cut ... ... though i dint stop him by calling me that but i told him im not used to guys calling me ling.
*WR is down with migraine. Super poor thing. Pain till he vomitted~ Hope he gets well soon*

So guys, try not to call me Ling. (;
(currently only 2 guys always call me ling). . .so they will be granted access to it. Haha.LAME!

later, still have to do my dad's account and some filing of his previous invoices and POs. sianz.
i hate to work. i wan to on the air con, hi-fi, tv in my room and sleep. Thats life~

i wan to watch blood ties, phobia 2 and many many movies.
i cant wait for 17th , 24th & 29th Sep 09. . . im super excited over these dates that i wan to skip both B.Law lectures on 17th & 24th.

my dad is being unreasonable again. hate it. dun feel like going home later. sianz~
what kind of home i have?
how i wish i can move out of that house soon.

.......................................................................................................................................................
ytd. . .

he smsed me a super long sms
telling me that the sms he sent to her wasnt an intention to cause anything.
i just replied him, no worries, he won see the sadness or emo side of me again. forget everything, jux enjoy urself.
i think i shouldnt casue any problems for him. i must be happy :D
the last sentence of his sms. 'he sincerly apologised to me'. that 3 powerful words. ' 对不起 '.
when a guy sincerly apologised to a gal, means ITE. . .

hes going genting for a short break. *super shiok*
2 days of not seeing him online. . . i wonder how it feels.
no no no. cant think of him!
going to make myself super packed and busy with load of things on mind, wont let it wander around and think of him.
but again, i hate saturday! theres nothing to do on saturday. no shows nothing.
tonight, im going to bang myself against the wall and faint.

*anyway, i din realise that my entry from 8th Aug onwards, showed that im emo or sad. . . i thought all along i was like that. Haha. especially after meeting up with Mr J.L. 31st July 08. . . our 1st met up. haha*
being a cancerian, im always so emotional.

~~26th sept.~~25th sept. should i meet up with him?
the khaki color coach convertible bag will only arrive on 19th Sep. should i buy?
5% off for the white colour, but i dont like white.

i want to go tamp 1 or raffles place de The Arcade de Quee's ave. i saw something nice.Haha!
i want to go Airport T1,2,3,Budget Terminal.
i still want to go flyers.
i want zoological garden.science centre.night safari.east coast park.west coast park.downtown east.fort canning.mountfaber.hippobus.duck tour bus.
i want to walk from jurong east back to jurong west.
i want to take bus from 1 end to the other end.
i want bk de turkey bacon & fries.ljs de clam chowder soup. mCdonald de nuggets.kfc de zinger.mos burger de fish burger.anywhere de coke light or diet coke.yeos' de chrysanthemum.waraku de creamy pasta.sakae sushi de sashimi.
wahahaha.im siao!
i wan alot alot of bling bling earrings.

i wan alot alot of bags.
Agnes B
Burberry
Gucci
Kate Spade

Next Aim : Coach ( 5 different bags for each day. Haha)

i wan to increase the number of watches i have.
2 Addidas
1 Aldo
1 Baby G
3 Casio
1 Dkny
1 Esprit
1 Guess
1 Puma

Next Aim : Vagary. . .

1 Agnes B tote
1 Kate spade tote
1 gucci tote
1 gucci wallet
1 coach wristlet
1 coach key pouch
1 coach coin pouch
1 coach wallet
1 couch hp strap
1 lv card holder
1 burberry tote

Can I request for more? Haha

2009-09-11T19:35:00.001+08:00

#398

It's Friday! But tml Im working. Freaking sian.

Today overslept in the bus again when going home, I opened my eyes to see the door close at my bus stop.
Walked 2 bus stops away to meet up with my parents to have dinner.

Returned my mummy money, super broke now. Nvm!!

1st day... Still coping well, trying so hard not to think what happened last night, but the more I try, the more I will think of the sms and all those I had said and done.
Actually after that SMS to him, I had decided not to initiate any conversation with unless he starts first but when I got home, I don't know why I was like waiting for him to reach home and online... He din so I smsed him and he din reply so I called him and again he din ans so for the last time, I smsed him again... I took alot of courage to dial his number to call him, worried that he will be super sad over his results but luckily he still made it.

He returned call. For less than 5 mins, we hung up the phone cos I only wanted to ask him his results.
During msn session, I can feel that in trying to avoid certain things. Actually in fact there are alot of things i'm holding inside not to say. When he told me about the SMS he sent to her, I stopped him from going further cos I really don wan to think of that again and I don't want to be so soft and in the end, I can't forget liking him again. I told him to forget everything... Just treat nothing had happened.

It was obvious that ytd conversation was like stranger and stranger talking, maybe to myself, he might not think that way, but I can sense the difference. Well, that not important anymore I guess.

Today he told me he dreamt many things and thought alot of things. I dun wan to ask him what things he thought of, cos I'm afraid to know what he thought of might make me even sad. So I tried to stop the topic by saying he very free, can dream and think so many things at the same time and plus he was tired ytd. I'm trying to escape from reality I guess. Well, I'm not to brave to face anything anymore, I know I will break down, cos I broke down once. It's really hurt.

When he told me that gal hasn't gotten her results, I just replied coldly with oh okay, if were in the past, I will demand alot of things from him. I trying hard to act nonchalant, but that sentence had already impact me somehow. I just went sad. I wanted to ask him why he so concern and why he wants to tell me that, but I dint cos this will only let him know I haven given up.i don't want him to be pressurize or frustrated over me liking and confessing to him. I had caused him to lose 1 close friend. I really hate myself for creating so much trouble.

If only I can quietly like him....

But not now anymore.

2009-09-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

#397

The coach bag I wanted price has dropped again!!! So tempted to buy!!
Haiz...

Overslept in the train this morning but luckily only to Queenstown station so not thAt jia luk.
Din really do anything today cos no discipline. Face booking all the time. Sort of addicted in farmville..

Missed my lunch again today... Well, no appetite.

Went to lesson today, everyone was like saying results are out... Simply no mood, dun feel like staying any longer. But I din go till the break time.
I was super down!!! Nothing goes in and I don't feel like talking either.
So went home after paying the school fees.

Can't take it anymore, I called my parents. My mum so considerate, she opened the letter for me.. She told me I failed 2 modules. I Sian diao..
Called her again, asking what modules were that..
Expected!! My OB but my accounts abit unexpected. I was really damn sian and sad. Too many things coming at the same time.

The feelings really fucked it!
I'm going to Denmark soon!!!

Why again and again must let me know?
This time I really can't take it.. My tears struggling to roll down but I fought it back.
At that moment, I thought hard, what should I do?
That SMS really hurts alot alot alot!
I dint want to talk, I was quiet throughtout the 1st half.
I don't know how to react or how to face.
Forget it. Took bus to queenstown and cabbed home, really no strength to carry on.
I was super depressed.
Giving up on Wilson, it takes me so hard to like someone again, but again I had failed.
Though hurt, but I have to let go. This time really have to let go.
I promise I won't be so itchy mouth ask him anything about him and other gals.
I will see, hear and say nothing.
When I sent him that SMS, I haf already decided the decisions that I had made.
In going process of forgetting ans giving is hard but I will try my best to do so.

Next time, I won't confess to the one I like.
I had my lesson learnt!

I sad ):
I can feel the pain in my heart. And the pain is so strong....

2009-09-09T08:42:00.006+08:00

#396

o9o9o9 - a special date

Letter to dumbASS

Hi dumbASS, Why are you so dumb? Falling sick so often. My poor gurl, please do take care ofyourself. There's no one you can depend on except yourself.

I know recently, you are being troubled by friendship and relationship. No worries, you can confide in me if you cant find anyone suitable. Cheer up, im always here for you, to be your listening ear.

tWc,LwJ, these 2 guys have been revolving around your life for so long. Especially tWc. Since 1999, you never given up on him, but was glad that in 2001, you still managed to get back together with him. 'Cos of your childishness, you let him down and hurt him so deep. Dont

blame him for leaving you, but blame yourself for losing him.Anyway, since you have decided to put him behind on 1st Nov 08, just treat him as normal friend. No more turning back and hoping he will turn back. Look front and move on.

As for LwJ, i really dont know what to say, 'cos you dont even have the answer to yourself on whats your feelings towards him. From what i see, the way he treats you. He's really a jerk, but at the same time he can be really sweet. I really have not much comment on him. You know yourself better, the way how he treats you. What I can tell you, he will never be yours, so no point pinning any hope that he will be yours 1 day. Causing yourself to be so tired and sad over him, afterall its not even worth it.

And now, the 3rd guy appeared. He's your friend, no doubt. You said, you will never like him or he will never like you, but are you really thinking this way? I know he's nice and good, but you have to get this clear. Dont like him 'cos he's good or nice; like him 'cos you have feelings for him, if not you are going to suffer again. Dont let anything confused your feelings. 1 step wrong, you might going to lose this good, nice friend of yours. Think carefully. I know you are smart. :)

Friends. I know you have lost trust in friendship. Remember, im still behind you whenever you needed me. Some friends are worth keeping, some friends dont. Some friends can help you keep secrets, some friends dont. Some friends wont betray you, some friends will. Some friends wont backstabb you, some friends will. Some friends wont find you irritating, some friends will. Some

friends will always be there to listen to your grandparents' stories though they had listened it for million times, some friends will find you irritating even though that is the 1st time, you telling them. I cant tell you who are good, who are not as each has its own merits points. Go with your heart, you will surely find 1 friend who will be worth keeping. Dont be dishearted if you cant find anyone, or sad if others have more friends than you. 'Cos 1 true friend will be enough rather

to have many fair-weather friends.

Just remember, dont give up yourself. Live for yourself and not for others. If they really treat you as their friend, you will be able to sense it. If not, no point having to be sad over the things they do to hurt you. It will only allow them to get their ways. 1 true friend will be enough, if you cant find any, dont worry! im always beside you. Treasure those who treasure you.

Yours,
confusing-gal.bs
...............................................................................................................................................

Best guy friends i have...
Anim (my dearest)
Mr H...
Alex Ng (24yrs of friendship!!)

My flirt partner
Weilun (haha)

My Dears
Andrew
Anim (my fav~)
JL (expiring soon)

Weilun

My adviser/counselor
Anim - foreva no 1, and nv fail to be the one~

Natara

Fengjiao
.........................................................................................

真的有怎么累吗？
是因为老了，所以精神，体力不如以前
我自己也不知道
还以为把自己伪装年轻点，就能骗自己
苍老已写在我脸上嗨！现在不认老都不行了这次，
我真的老了

my reminiscence of you... is ever so sweet....
you inhabit my world..& that why i can only see you in my eyes....
& so soon that your portrait are implanted in my mind.
your captivating eyes make me so fragile..that i lose my control and fall over you..

& i noe you are the one im searching for all this while..Just one grin, my world spins like roller coaster..so fast and exhilarating..you started to live in my heart.im sure you are The One.
this time i want to announce to everyone..iLoveYou so nice..& finally we are TOGETHER.. my hands by your hands,my heart by your heart & my head by your shoulder,my lips rest by your lips and just you & me...its always so warm-feeling having you by my side.just by my side.to cuddle me throughtout the day.your kiss makes me felt so loved,and i know im also The One just for you, cos i keep seeing myself in your eyes..and you too.we are

so Deeply in Love that there are only 2 of us in the world of Us..i just cant wait for every moment-24/7 just to be with you..You are the source of light that keeps me going.without you, i know i will be so lost..but you are so Sweet to hold my hands so tight especially when i felt so lost..
im ready to be yours faithfully&truly..theres noway i can escape from you

,and no one else can ever replaced your position in my heart..its always

youyouyouyouyou and No One Else..
i Noe i never regret knowing you and loving you all this while..

2009-09-08T10:00:00.009+08:00

#395

I can be efficient in my work, but i choose not to.

I can be hardworking, but i choose not to.

I can be smart like in the past, but i choose not to.

Cos....

I choose to be inefficient.lazy and stupid.

Now....

Im trying to ACT ignorant. ACT blur. ACT deaf. ACT blind. ACT dumb.
COS IM A DUMB-ASS

My energy is depleting.
I can feel my body collapsing.
My stomach is going against me for ill-treating it.
I am too tired to think and to care.

Why am I so easily being affected?
Aiyo. So Fed-Up.
Why am I so easily angry especially towards him?
Arghh. So Frustrated.
Why must I care so much about what he told me or what i had seen?
Arbish.So Funny.

I love this qoute :
"Making Mistake Is A Process Of Growing Up" & "Make Peace With Your Past So That It Wont Screw Up With Your Present" - by wrSAM's msn nick (my classmate who has super good photography skill)
Seeing him at the station yesterday was a funny encounter, with just a 'Hi & Bye' .He asked me, is he that fierce? I had promised him that I will talk to him the next time i see him. This coming thursday, at the bus stop will be easier than in the station,i guess.

Its barely noon time, meaning i still have to tolerate for another more than half a day to go.
Not going for lunch later, feeling not that well. But dont wish to tell anyone cos i dont want people to comment why am i always falling sick. *As if i wanted it so much*. There isnt always sincere people with sincere concern around. I seen so many fake people around. Trying to concern for you, but on the other hand, is actually trying to ask you for something in return. Whatsoever, I dont need this kind of treatment. I rather be alone.

Super depressed now.
But no worries, I wont show it out.
I will still try my best to put on a smile.
Is tired though, but I have to do it.

-the one im missing actually has the power to control my feelings but he will never be mine no matter how hard i tried-
telling him how much i like him is the maximum i had ever done to others i liked before. This is the max i had done, to even offer to acc him to sch and asked him to watch FD4(but both was being rejected)and infact, i think i had already went over the line of being just a normal friend to him.my concern for him is like more den a normal friend though sometimes i might appear to be nonchalant infront of him or even during online. (Well, sometimes gals must also have some pride.)
I dun want to be like that, i tried controlling myself. but it's just too hard. I cant stand it whenever he told me, he waits for her, walks with her and so and so. i noe there isnt a need for me to get so angry and 'scold' him for nothing, afterall this is all his freedom to do what he wants. im in no position to say anything or to be angry even.i noe im unreasonable most of the times. but its just that i cant control it. i really hate whenever he and she this and that. though he always tell me, there's nothing between them. well, jealousy. i dont wish to behave like that too. i also hate it when he say this guy and me & he is happy for me when the guy say hi to me and sad for me when i din talk to the guy cause i had wasted the chance of talking to him.(this shows how much he is encouraging me liking another guy)
what more can i say? with so many things being so upfront & clear to me that i dont stand any chance, but being so so so so super stubborn, i refused to let go. i keep telling myself, i have to let go, give up. its just so hard. Maybe i just need sometimes. Or maybe 1 day, he gets irritated, and ask me to shoo off... That will be the time i will really give up. Just let hope for the day will come soon, whereby i will finally give him up instead of him telling me off. At least, still can remain as friends.

2009-09-07T11:56:00.005+08:00

#394

I love this necklace. It look simple and it can be worn by both gender~ Cool right.
This bag.. .
this lanyard...
this hp or. . .

this....

okay. end of entry~
nothing to do. Haha.
Freaking sianz & sad today...
No reason to it....
just like that...

someone so nice to actually offer to come to UniCampus to pick me.
dis is so unlike him...

but i rejected~

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